


The Fallen Angel Who Swept You Off Your Feet

by LauraRose, xphil98197



Series: The Sweetest Surrender [3]
Category: 00Q - Fandom, James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, BDSM Scene, Consensual Kink, Dom!Q, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sub James Bond, Sub!Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:23:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5053915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraRose/pseuds/LauraRose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphil98197/pseuds/xphil98197
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel deals with the aftermath of his lover coming back broken, and does his best to support him as he pieces himself back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Really?" He tried not to get his hopes up. But oh, he wanted to be home. "Let me talk to the nurse and see... Oh, there you are Adelaide." He accepted a mug of tea. "Do you think they would allow James to come home?"

"That must have been quite the conversation," She smiled at James gently, who looked away. "Why don't I take James to speak with the doctors, and you can talk with Mallory about some time off?"

"Thank you, but-" Gabriel looked at James's face. "We will stay together, I think. we've been apart long enough."

"They will probably cheer..." He muttered darkly and took the styrofoam cup and took a sip... Before glaring darkly at the continents of it. "Gabriel, you need to give lessons on tea..." He grumbled.

"I'll make you all the bloody tea you want," he pulled James into his arms. "I think she was waiting for us to talk and let it sit too long. Let's go home."

He grunted in pain as he was pulled into such a fierce hug, and that tore into a whimper. "Careful..." He patted him awkwardly.

"Sorry," Gabriel grinned at him and pulled the key ring out of his pocket, handing it to him.

He shook his head. "Keep it for now... And can we please find me pants before I get wheeled out... I refuse to go home with a hospital gown and balls - or ball - on display."

"I have a couple of changes of clothes for us in Q branch," Gabriel pocketed the keys. "Do you want to come with me?"

He shook his head. "I should probably wait in medical..."

"Ok, meet you back in a bit," he left James to go back to medical with Adelaide and met him there with a change of gym clothes and a thermos of tea.

"Eve said she has a surprise for us, and she will meet us at the flat with Tesla," he informed. "I want to sleep for a week."

"What sort of surprise?" He grunted as he shooed them both behind a curtain so he could dress. The doctor gave Gabriel an entire three bags of drugs, dressing changed and instructions.

"I don't know, they said we will see when we get to the flat," Gabriel went over the instructions. "Apparently she and Alec planned it? I'm a little worried."

"Enough to give any sensible man precaution," he muttered as he was wheeled out, scowling that he was to do then minimum walking allowed.

When they got to the flat, Eve met them at the door with Tesla.  
"We decided you both have had enough to worry about, so we took care of things for you," she opened the door.

The flat had their combined furniture, and a sign that said "Welcome home James and Gabe".

"The minions took care of the kitchen and setting up your alarm system," Eve smiled. "Alec said to tell you that he took care of moving the things in your closet, Q."

"Oh riddance," he blushed and opened the fridge. There were several dishes that just needed reheating, and easily prepared food. "Oh Eve, thank you," he gave her a hug.

"Don't thank me, I used his credit card," Eve winked and left them to settle in.

"We had better make sure that is all he touched..." James grumbled tiredly. He had smiled and been as pleasant as he could be when Eve was around but now the tiredness was kicking in. Reaching down, he scooped the kitten into his lap - not before putting a folded blanket there first. "He has been known for putting pipe bombs as a welcome home gift..."

"I think I'm too tired to care," Gabriel curled up next to him. He rested his hand over James's heartbeat and closed his eyes.

"Gabriel? Can you help me into something looser? These are cutting in..." Bond said quietly.

"Of course, sorry," he jumped up. He brought back James's softest robe, which had been hanging on the bed. "You might tell Alec that handcuffs do not make good curtain ties," he shook his head.

"Tell me hasn't turned the bedroom into some sort of... kinky dungeon or something..." He slowly began to change and the mutilation became clear.

"He did his best," Gabriel kept his eyes on James's face, trying not to make him uncomfortable. He had seen the medical, which included photos when the wounds were new. This was an improvement and better than he had expected. "You might tell him a Saint Andrew's Cross is not meant to be dressed up."

He snorted and hobbled to the bedroom, going inside... "Well, it could be worse..." he called.

"I'm going to heat some food," Gabriel yelled from the kitchen, turning on the kettle. He would have to remember to thank the minions for leaving the tea in plain view. And he had a suspicion that was R's legendary lasagna in the fridge. "What could have been worse?"

"Naked posing pictures of Alec," he was coming back, grimacing with every baby step that he took, and cursed when he finally dropper into a chair.

"Oh lord, no," Gabriel shook his head and carried in a bowl of salad and pot of tea. "That is something I don't need to see. You two are bad enough about giving a show on surveillance tapes as it is. Lasagna is in the oven."

He smiled bitterly. "That will not be happening any time soon..." He murmured and looked down where he could see the tip of the bag, contents still pink from the blood. He rubbed his face and muttered something about humiliation.

"I'm just glad you are here," Gabriel whispered. "All I told you was come home, remember? I saw the file James, this is an improvement," he admitted. "I was so scared you were going to give up."

"I am not so convinced that I have not..." He said softly, eyes closed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose

"You're here, its a start," Gabriel's heart broke. He ran his fingers over Bond's hair, which had gotten longer. "Just let me take care of you. I know its not going to be easy." His phone went off, with a message from Mallory.

_"Take as long as you need, you have enough time off coming to stay out until New Year's."_

If he had told Bond that he would be fine, be better in no time, he would have rebelled... But pointing out that he had indeed taken a step... James felt himself relax.

"Mallory said to take as long as I need," he laid next to James on the couch. "I hope you won't get sick of me. I know you hate when I take care of you."

"Not true," he said as he closed his eyes. "I hate feeling vulnerable..."

"No one here to know but me," Gabriel cuddled next to him. "So feel free to ask for anything that will make it easier on you."

He shrugged a little. "Honestly? I have no idea what would make me feel better right no- actually, yes I do. I need a shower and shave badly..." He practically had a beard. "Will you shower with me?"

"Of course, let me turn down the oven," Gabriel stood and offered him his hand. "Would you let me shave you? Like in the cottage?" He leaned down to kiss his cheek.

Bond nodded because he was so tired that he doubted he could stand for that long. He rose on shaky legs. "Maybe put a stool in the shower?"

"Can you do a bath, or no getting wet that long?" Q asked, placing himself under Bond's arm to guide him. "Tesla, no, baby," he scolded at the kitten who was chasing his shoe laces.

"I doubt it till the catheter comes out... Plus, I feel so grimy... The idea of soaking in my own filth isn't a nice one..." He muttered as they moved to the bathroom slowly.

"Ahhh, ok," Q sat James on the toilet and got a plastic stool from the patio. He put it into the shower and adjusted the water to warm, and offered James an arm to get in. He undressed and joined him, trying not to wince at the weight loss and protruding ribs.

James wasn't aware of the wince, his head was back under the water and he was breathing deeply, eyes closed.

Q took the shampoo and spread it into the wet hair, gently rubbing James's scalp and neck. He took the salt body scrub and worked his way down his body gently, massaging off the grime and rubbing the sore muscles. He tried to avoid the worst of the bruises, while still getting his skin clean.

James was quiet but slowly unravelling at the touch, body a mass of yellow and green bruises... And the emotions started to rise. "Gabriel..." His voice broke.

"Yes, baby, I'm here," he took the trembling man in his arms, tears in his own eyes. "Tell me."

Bond didn't speak, couldn't speak, but he howled in his lovers arms, sobbed until he was empty. The emotions came and he felt every twitch, every violation that he has suffered… And then he fell calm. He pulled away slowly, and sniffed.

"Oh, love," Gabriel held him close. The water got cold and he turned it off, and wrapped James in a towel. "You're mine, do you understand that? You're never going to be in danger like that again!"

Bond tilted his head forward and rested it on Gabriel's stomach. "I know..." He said softly. He sounded very sinusy. "I... That was easier than before..." He sounded calm... And sneezed violently. That made him wince. "Although I feel dried out…”

"Ok, let's get you settled, and I'll bring you some water," He set Bond on the toilet and went to bring him ice water. He handed him a glass with lemon, something to kill the medicinal taste stuck in his mouth. Then he put shaving cream on him, and kept his hands in plain view while he sharpened the razor. "Maybe its time to think about something a bit less... taxing, for work?" he asked hesitantly. The fear showed in his eyes, that he was thinking next time, Bond wouldn't come home.

"Maybe..." He said after a long pause. "I can't think about it now..."

"You can talk about it whenever you are ready," Gabriel rinsed a large swath of blond whiskers off the razor. He ran his hands over James's cheeks to make sure he hadn't missed any spots.

"I need... Just rest for now..."

"Ok," Gabriel helped him to bed, and ate a plate of lasagna standing up so he wouldn't fall asleep. He collapsed in the bed next to James, and tucked the injured man into his arms so he would be woken if James had any nightmares.

James did not seem to have nightmares, only woke to take some more of the pain killers and try and get comfortable. There was a high chance that it was the painkillers that were taking him too deep for nightmares… he woke up the next morning, feeling foggy.

Gabriel was still snoring lightly. His sleep mussed hair was a mess of curls, and he was frowning. Tesla was curled up on his chest, and his fingers gripped the short, orange fur.

Reaching out, James touched the fur lightly and the cat stretched and dug her claws in.

Gabriel came awake with a start, fumbling for his glasses. He blinked at James for a long moment, and then his face softened into a smile.  
"Hey love, can I get you anything?" He took James's hand and kissed the palm.

"New body would be nice..." muttered Bond softly. "But a drink... I'm sorry, but meds are kicked in and I feel stoned..."

Gabriel handed him water from the bedside table. "If I could switch bodies with you, I would," he said softly. "We should try to get a protein shake in you if we can."

"I'll be alright," Bond yawned, rolling against him to scratch the cat. Tesla came over to investigate him curiously.

"Love you," Gabriel kissed him. Tesla sniffed him cautiously, and then settled down next to him to knead the covers.

Bond curled into him and dosed in his arms for most of the morning until he woke again. "Gabriel..." He said through closed eyes.

"I'm here, love," Gabriel looked up from his book. "What can I do to help you?" He felt Bond's forehead and frowned.

"I need you," he said slowly, "to look... Tell me how bad it is..."

"Ok, its not going to all heal immediately," Gabriel warned. "It was really bad, the first pictures in the file. And the bruising is some nasty colors."

"How bad is it now?" Bond was panting softly. "I haven't looked... Not yet..." He couldn't look. He could not see what kind of mess he was in.

"It's red, swollen," Gabriel frowned. "Does it hurt worse? I can call the medical center at Six."

Bond raked a hand through his hair. "No... It's..." He cursed. It was pride... It was the simple fact that a world famous lover had been reduced to... This. To nothing, something less than a man. He hid his face. "It doesn't even matter..."

"What, love?" Gabriel frowned. He wasn't sure what to do to help.

The simple fact was that there was nothing that he could do. He shook his head and rolled away from him, trying to get comfortable again.

"It'll heal, it won't be forever," Gabriel told him. "I'm not giving up James, don't sell me short."

"I have one testicle, Gabriel..." He didn't sound emotional, just simply tired. "That will not heal..."

"But it won't always hurt," Gabriel argued. "You won't always be injured. This isn't how it will always be. I don't care what you don't have, I care that you're safe, and here. I didn't know if I would ever hold you again."

He didn't speak, just pulled the covers up and over his head, in an effort to hide away. He didn't want to talk, to do anything... Just tired. Tired of fighting. Briefly he wondered if he could put the gun at his temple and keep the biometric scanner activated.

"Adelaide is going to come over for my session later, do you want to talk to her?" Gabriel suggested. He had seen that look after James escaped Bolivar the first time.

"No," he replied, burrowing into the bedding.

"I think you should," Gabriel frowned. "I don't like you withdrawing like this."

"I don’t want to talk..." He rolled back over and winced as something - even though it felt like everything - hurt and he rested his head against Gabriel. "I just need you to love me..." Tesla came over and rubbed against him. Bond chuckled. " Yes, I know you love me..."

"Of course I love you," Gabriel kissed his hair. "But what if we don't do everything the hard way for once?"

"Define not - Ow!" The kitten pounced on his fingers, but it made him laugh softly.

"What if we don't wait until it gets so bad we can't handle it?" Gabriel asked. "Might make it easier on us in the long run."

Bond sighed and pulled the kitten against him. She curled and arched against his face and after a moment, he shook his head a little. "Okay... What do I do?"

"Just talk to her," Gabriel suggested. "See what comes up, its been a big help for me. I'm not saying it works instantly. Just that it helps."

He nodded slowly. "I will... I’ll try..." James gave him a sideways look that said that he would. Just for him. Just for them

"That's all I'm asking, is that you try," Gabriel smiled. "Can you eat something?"

"Something... Easy. Toast... I need to make myself get dressed..." The way he was blinking said clearly that he was struggling with that idea. He made himself breathe slowly.

"You don't have to do anything," Gabriel tucked the blanket in around him. "What you need to do is sit here and take some deep breaths. And I will be right here. Pet Tesla a bit, it will help with the panic. Focus on my eyes."

James did as instructed and wiggled his hand under the covers, smiling as the kitten bounced on his hand, trying to catch it. He looked up at Gabriel. "You do have lovely eyes."

"And the medicine is making you stoned," Gabriel tickled the kitten's belly to distract her as she pounced on James. He brushed a piece of hair off of James's eyelash. "I'm afraid Tesla is ready for a good brushing."

" And I still hurt like fuck... Everywhere..." He sighed, somewhat dramatic. "I mean... I want to get this thing out of me so I can go to the loo... But I can't feel my legs. I can see they are there but shouldn't go anywhere without them."

"Give it time, you just came home," Gabriel sighed. "I know you want it fixed now, but let's focus on the progress you _have_ made. It's a big step to be home and asking for food. Small victories, alright? One at a time." He brought toast, and a large mug of mint tea for James.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn't say anything... But they both knew they this time, some things would not be fixed. He looked at his fingertip, covered in bandages and sipped.

"When do we have to check in with your doctor?" Gabriel asked. "They gave me some exercises for you to do, but not until they clear you to do them."

"In a week, they said they would send someone," the agent replied lamely, stroking the kitten gently, burying his fingers in her fur.

"So, let's make the best of it then," Gabriel declared. "We can watch the movies we have missed, read, and watch the sun go down from the balcony."

Slowly Bond turned his head and looked up at him. He blinked slowly. "Why are you so nice to me?" He asked after a moment.

"Nice to you?" Gabriel was puzzled. "I love you. Being nice to you is the least I want to do."

"Even when I didn't want to see you...?" He asked softly.

"Of course," Gabriel sighed. "It hurts me that you are hurting, and I tried not to take it personally. But that didn't stop me from loving you. It made me feel... powerless, and it made me wish there was something I could do to help."

Bond shook his head a little. "I doubt that you could have, honestly... I needed to sulk and be left alone..."

"I know, I tried to let you," Gabriel said quietly and looked down. He tried to avoid the tears that had been coming so easily recently.

"Gabriel..." He shifted closed, pushing him over so Bond could spoon behind him. He dumped the kitten in his arms. "There you go... Sandwiched by those who love you..."

Gabriel sighed and leaned back carefully against him. He was so tired of being strong and wearing a strong face. He was worn out inside, and grateful to have his lover back within touching distance. "Ouch, Miss! Time to clip your nails," he scolded as Tesla started kneading at his stomach.

"It's because she loves you?" James was vaguely aware that he sounded stoned. He giggled, actually giggled at the ridiculousness of this situation.

"She can love me a bit less when it involves taking off my skin," Gabriel responded sleepily. He curled up into James neck and pulled him closer. His smell was reassuring, even if there was still the hint of medicinal and hospital about it.

"Go back to sleep, baby," James said, just as sleepily. "I will be right here..."

Gabriel didn't hear him, he was already sleeping, holding his lover as close as he could. Tesla sensed their exhaustion, and decided to join in for a nap.

James slept and James dreamed. He dreamed of collars and cats, of men and the humiliation. The self loathing that seemed to appear. When he woke, he felt painfully aroused and it left him gasping.

Gabriel awoke to the sound of James's hard breathing. It immediately panicked him, and he sat up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He was constantly worried that he had forgotten something that would let his partner rest more comfortably.

He grumbled and pressed his face into Gabriel's neck. "Something between a nightmare and a wet dream... And I hurt..." He muttered, shifting and trying to get comfortable.

"Let's get you some pain medicine, and get you comfortable," he suggested. "I'll make some tea and you can pick a movie." He came back a few minutes later with a pot of tea, a protein drink, and some fruit.

Bond had curled on his side, pretty much in the foetal position. A pillow was between his thighs, trying to stay comfortable.

Gabriel patiently fed him small bites of fruit and the protein drink, and helped James move so he could lay on his lap. He seemed to find the touch comforting once he stopped fighting it, his longer hair tickling at Gabriel's knees. But he kept a wary expression on his face, despite his exhaustion.

Gabriel was a lot more patient than Bond ever was with himself, and he allowed himself to be guided and moved to sit down and allow someone to take care of himself. He ate the fruit slowly, and swallowed the drink. His stomach recoiled however, and he pushed it away after only a few mouthfuls.

A knock at the door startled Gabriel. "Ah, that'll be Adelaide," he remembered. He got up to let her in, his back protesting with a pop. He opened the door to the familiar face with a smile.   
"I thought you and James might talk while I shower."

“Of course. Psych has assigned me to his case – even though I won’t refer to it as that in front of him – lead the way,” she gestured for Q to take her through and show her to the agent.

"I'm going to shower while you talk to Adelaide, love," he bent to kiss James's forehead. "Try to at least be polite, please. It really does help if you aren't stroppy and fighting her every step."

“When am I ever stroppy?” James said, sounding just that. Stroppy.

"Feel free to smack him upside the head," he gave Adelaide an exhausted look. "That nightmare put him out of sorts."

"Unfortunately, I am not allowed to do that sort of thing," she said brightly and sat down across from Bond before shooing Q from the room.

Q took the time to shave, and take a long shower. They hadn't gotten much beyond the living room last night, so he took some time to look around. He hoped the new flat would do Bond some good, away from the bad memories.

The voices were quiet coming from the bedroom, the door opened. Tesla was on James's lap, purring like an engine as they tried to get something, anything out of him. Nothing... Absolutely nothing.

"As much as I love you being the strong silent type, it doesn't work for this, love," Gabriel passed by on his way to the kitchen to make tea. "You did say you would try."

“I am trying…” James called through, sounding irritable, and more than anything, tired. “I have nothing to say…”

Q brought out three mugs of tea and sat down next to him. "How about telling us both about your dream this morning? That seemed pretty bad."

James narrowed his eye at Q and frowned a little and closed his eyes. He was already flushing pink at the memories. “It was just… what we do… but pretty dark…” he shrugged.

"Maybe it's time to talk about what you do," Adelaide suggested. "I have clearance to listen to you James, you don't have to censor what you are saying."

“I kneel and let someone else take care of me when I need it… I have someone to come home to…” he said, looking away from the woman to the floor, to neither of them.

"And?" Adelaide asked gently. "It seems like you are bothered by that. It seems to me like you have someone who cares very deeply for you. Why does that make you uncomfortable?"

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I feel happy knowing that someone loved me… feeling this… weak, pathetic, useless… that makes me uncomfortable…” he said slowly.

"Why do you think he loved you? And doesn't love you anymore?"

“I can’t protect him, or myself or anyone. Why should anyone love me?” James said darkly, feeling himself withdrawing. “Look, for christ sakes. I don’t want to talk to either of you, alright?”

"Hey, hey," Gabriel saw it happening and grabbed his hand. "No shutting down on me, ok? You don't decide whether or not I love you. That's out of both our hands."

Adelaide watched them interact silently, watched Q try to pull him back.

“This is just… stupid,” he snapped, jerking his hand free. “Both of you, just leave me alone for Christ sakes,” he reached over to grab his phone. “I’ll go back to medical… keep out the way…”

"SIT DOWN," Gabriel ordered. "You are in no shape to drive with that medication. If you want to go back to medical that's fine, but you are still going to see Adelaide and eat. Those things aren't negotiable. We talked about this last time you were hurt, getting blackout drunk and not coming home isn't an option. There are ways I can make you," he hinted, just enough sternness to let James know he meant business.

“I am bloody here, aren’t I?” James growled, his eyes darkening with the challenge, rebelling against the threat.

"Fine," Gabriel sighed. "Adelaide, can you excuse us for a few minutes please?" He offered James his hand with a pointed look, and pulled him into the bedroom.

"Now, go ahead," he waved his hand. "Whatever you don't want to say in front of her. Because I am a hair away from handcuffing you out on the balcony."

James narrowed his eyes and smiled wryly. “What the hell do you want me to say, Gabriel?” He sounded tired, as if the fight was draining from him. Just tired.

"Why are you so angry at me?" Gabriel asked quietly. "Why are you pushing me away for loving you?"

“Because you bloody deserve someone better…” he rubbed his eyes, and closed them. He looked away. “Gabriel… I don’t _want_ to talk, I don’t want to remember, I don’t need to remember. It's done… I was hurt again…” he shook his head and shrugged. “I’ve been hurt before.”

"I don't WANT someone else," Gabriel was shouting now. "Why won't you believe me? No matter how hard I try, I have to try twice as hard because you spend all your energy pushing me away. It's not going away James, you are going to remember, whether you want to, or not. So why not in an environment where you can control it, instead of waiting for the nightmares to eat you alive?"

“What do you want me to do? Cry? Scream?” He laughed, and there was the sound of something dark in his laughter, the beginnings of insanity. “It doesn’t get better, you know that, Gabriel. So what do you want me to do, _Sir_ ?” he snarled.

"You are SO stubborn!" Gabriel yelled. "If you would put this much effort into working on it as you do to resisting help, you might actually accomplish something. No, Z didn't get out of the grave. But it got easier. So maybe you should think about that."

James said nothing, but looked away from him. His eyes closed, he breathed deep and extended his hands to his young lover. “Do it… handcuff me…”

"No," Gabriel shook his head. "Not while I'm angry."

“Just do it, Gabriel. I won’t be able to rest until you do, and neither will you,” he said flatly.

"Maybe later, I'm not in control of myself right now," he sighed. "I'm going to go talk to Adelaide for a while. You can stay in here."

“Why the hell did you bring me in here? You know what I dreamt? I dreamed about losing you because I cannot keep you safe. You are in more danger with me then alone…” He stood up slowly, grunting. “I am sorry… I can’t stay…” but there was a fire in his gaze, a hint of fire in his cold dead gaze.

"Look at me," Gabriel said softly. "I'm not handcuffing you right now because I'm angry, and I'm scared. And I'm terrified of losing you. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and you ate your gun and I won't be able to stop it. I promised to protect you, and I don't feel comfortable having you handcuffed while I am upset. Do you have any idea how scared I am every time I equip you for a mission? That I can't bring you back?"

“It's not your job to protect me, it's mine to protect you… and I can’t…” he said softly. “I can't stay…”

"It’s no one's job, James, do you really think that?" Gabriel's heart was breaking. "We aren't here because we have to, we are here because we want to be. I don't know how to say it so that you will understand it."

"You went there... I remember you there... you tried to hand yourself over to him, Gabriel, are you insane?" He scowled. "I am fine with danger - I enjoy it and it will always be there for me... but they were after you, and you just walked in to it."

"I SHOT HIM!" Gabriel yelled. "I went in there with two guns, a taser, and emptied a clip into his chest. I didn't try to hand myself over. I went in there determined that if I was going to die, I was damn sure going to take him with me. So don't tell me about enjoying danger, you can't lie to me and tell me that you enjoyed that. I would have given myself up, at any point, to have gotten you out earlier. And you would have done the same. Not because you enjoyed it though. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but I won't accept that answer."

He stiffened, and his body positively rippled with tension... Until he heard something. A soft, pitiful howling. It broke through the fog and touched something. "Tesla...?" He called out and tracked her down to the bedroom, where she was curled in a corner. James approached and she hissed, tail fluffing up.

"She gets scared, when there's yelling," Gabriel said quietly. "Ever since Bolivar broke in. It bothers her."

James ignored Gabriel. He could barely function at the moment, his mind foggy. He knelt and after a moment, shifted to his bottom, extending a hand. "It's alright... It's okay..." He didn't flinch when she swiped at him.

Gabriel put a hand on his shoulder.   
"Let her be for a minute, she lashes out when she's scared. Like us."

He didn't like the fact that the kitten was afraid. Even when she eventually accepted it, and allowed herself to be petted, his hands shook.

"Do you understand why it bothers me when you do that now?" Gabriel asked quietly. "You were trying to help, and she was so scared she saw you as a threat."

"I don't see you as a threat, Gabriel," Bond said quietly as he ran his hands through the fur lightly. "I... I don't know what to say. Angry. Depressed. Frightened. Furious. Sickened. Lonely. That's how I feel... I don't know where to start."

"Then let yourself feel it, and stop pretending to fine," Gabriel kissed his hair. "We aren't fine love, we are pretty damn far from it."

"I am feeling it, I don't understand what else you want me to do," Bond said softly.

"I want you to accept some help," Gabriel held out his arms. "Are you always going to push me away? It gets tiring, love."

"I said before that people want me to always say how I feel. I feel awful. What good is analysis going to do, Gabriel? I watched them cut my testicle off. That would be what they sent next if the finger did not work."

"So talk about what you are thinking of, and what's going through your head," Gabriel suggested. "Talk about your options, talk about your nightmares. Talk about what you want to do next."

Slowly, Bond reached up and pulled Gabriel down in front of him. The hand that wasn't holding the now purring kitten, reached up and rested over his heart. "I thought you were dead... I didn't know what was real or not... So many times I woke up and you were there... But when I tried to touch you, you were a fragment of my imagination... I used to hear you... I think at some point I snapped. Actually, I know the exact point.”


	3. Chapter 3

"What was it?" Gabriel asked gently, pulling Bond onto his lap.

"I thought for a time that it was you..." Bond shifted, so he was sitting between Q's legs. "He was... Nice. Soothing and gentle, as if he was some sort of Doctor... But I have no idea if I imagined it...'

"It wasn't me," Gabriel said softly. "I wish it would have been, that I could have gotten to you sooner. I dreamed about finding you, when I finally slept. Tried to wake you up. But Alec woke me up when I started screaming."

Bond leant his chin on Q's shoulder. "I am glad you killed him..."

"I wish it would have been sooner," Gabriel whispered. "We were all looking. I used every bit of technology we could access, and I still couldn't find you."

"Don't blame yourself," Tesla stretched out to knead against Q's leg.

"If you'll stop blaming yourself," Q suggested. "We've got a long way to go to heal. But we aren't going to do it hiding from each other at every step."

"How do we heal?" He asked softly. "I feel so tired of it all..."

"Maybe it's time for a break from London," Q suggested. "Alec said he knows a nice cabin. So once your body heals a bit, let's take that vacation we've been talking about."

"I know it. It's lovely," Bond said enthusiastically, brightening up a little. "Just me and you?"

"Yes, just us," Gabriel nodded. "And Tesla if you want. Or she can stay with Eve. Just you and me and a pile of books and movies and time to ourselves."

He nodded. He needed to get away, to escape London. "I need... I don't know what I need..."

"I think we could both use a break," Gabriel sighed. "I don't want to hear about MI bloody six while we are gone. There's always going to be some crisis somewhere. And I'm tired."

James flopped against him and just was. For a moment, he just allowed himself to bask in the arms of someone who loved him... Someone who cared. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

Gabriel wasn't sure what was going on in James's head, but he let him relax in his arms. It was frightening how slight he was, small enough to manoeuvre easily.

"I love you," he buried his face in the soft blond hair.

"Mmm..." The agent offered him a small smile. "I love you too..." He said softly.

Q yawned. "Dammit I don't know why I'm tired. I heard Adelaide sneak out a bit ago. Want to get in bed?"

"I know I should have asked this weeks ago... But were you hurt in any of that mess?"

"Hurt?" Q shook his head. "I think it bothered me more mentally. I've never been so angry before that I wanted someone dead. And enjoyed killing them. It scared me because what did it say about myself."

"It says that someone pushed you to that point. Enjoyment about killing is better than being emotionless about it..."

"I still didn't like it," Gabriel spooned around James in bed and wove their fingers together. "I'm just glad you're safe. And if anyone deserved to die, it was him."

"I suppose that's something I have to learn," he continued, "Just hard when I am still seeing him around every corner. I wish time would go faster sometimes, and we'd be at the point when all of this is behind us. I'd love to know what comes next."

"I hunt down every last one of those mother fuckers. I eradicate anyone who had anything to do with Silva or Bolivar, wipe them from the face of the earth... Afterwards... We live."

"What does living without watching behind you mean?" Gabriel asked ruefully. "I'm not even sure I remember, it's been so long."

"I am not sure I ever have!" Bond added and chuckled softly.

"I suppose we can learn together," Gabriel snuggled closer with a sigh. "Mmm,I missed holding you, feels good," he mumbled into James's hair.

He turned into his younger lover, eyes closing. "Gabriel... Sir..." He said slowly. "I need you... I need to..." He frowned.

"What love?" Gabriel opened green eyes, rimmed with dark shadows. He hadn't been sleeping recently, and the circles under his eyes reflected that. "What is it, pet?"

"I need to kneel... Nothing more..." It was that need to know someone was there who was taking care of him. "What about if we order in something and a film... Can you just hold me?" 

"Of course," Gabriel felt bad. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was what you needed. I'm a lot calmer now anyway. Do you want your collar?" He sat up and put a pillow on the floor. 

He nodded. It was like a safety blanket, something that helped him let go. "After... You find something to watch... I’ll figure out food..."

Gabriel flipped through the channels and settled on a documentary while keeping a close eye on his lover.  
"Something about European monarchs okay? I figure we can do with no blood and guts for awhile."

James gave him the thumbs up. He was on the phone, speaking in fluent French, ordering food... But this was no local Chinese. When there was a knock at the door, he opened it and was handed a large bag, with a high end restaurant embossed onto one side. He limped into the kitchen with it.

Gabriel watched him curiously, but just let him be. Clearly he was planning something, and the fact that he would go through the trouble, even in so much pain, meant he felt that it was important. He smiled, and waited for his lover to reappear.

"Gabriel, I need a hand," Bond called. It was soup, the poshest soup and homemade bread they had ever seen. "Help me carry through..."

Gabriel came in to find him putting soup in bowls. He kissed James fondly on the cheek and carried the tray back to the bedroom, "Did you remember tea?" he called back.

"Of course," Bond came in with a tea tray. Pain cut through him from his groin and he doubled over, shattering the tray and everything in it.

Gabriel fought between rushing to him, and letting him figure it out. He finally decided to wait cautiously and see if James could handle it on his own .

James groaned as the blinding pain began to subside. There was fresh blood in the tubing. After a moment. "Shit... The tea will never come out the carpet..."

Gabriel laughed. "Who cares, it's old anyway. Can I help you up?" He offered James a hand and tried not to wince at the blood. Another thing to mention when he spoke to the doctor at Six.

It took a moment for him to muster the strength and then say down on the sofa. " I'm sorry..." His head went into his hands.

"Hey, none of that," Gabriel sat next to him and opened his arms. "C’mere love. Nothing to be sorry for."

He made a noise and leant into him. Raking a hand through his hair, he made himself breathe. "I feel useless, baby..."

"You're not useless," Gabriel assured him. "You're doing remarkably well. Just still regaining your strength. It's ok to ask for help love. I'm not going to think less of you for it."

He frowned and looked up at him. "Help me up, baby," he said as he extended his hand. "And I hate asking for help..."

"I know, we all do," Gabriel told him gently.He pulled him up with a soft tug. "You ready for some food?"

"Please. That soup is lovely," he said as he stood up and went to the chair, after he picked up the remaining shards of china.

"Sit, let me serve you," Gabriel gave a mock bow and kissed him. He brought him soup, and returned to the kitchen to restart the kettle. "Have you thought about where we want to go? That ski cabin sounds hard to reach. I wonder if we could rent snowmobiles."

"Yes, we can," he said as he relaxed. "I can drive them, although I refuse until I can pee normally," he said and closed his eyes. Twisting a little, he managed to try and get comfortable, and the smell of the soup was making him hungry.

"No snow mobiles with catheters, thanks very much," Gabriel shuddered. "That's going to have to wait until you are a bit stronger. When the doctor says you can, we can book travel.”

He carefully tore the bread roll and dropped it into the soup, and then reluctantly took a sip. It was sensible, really, the soup was rich but simple, unlikely to upset.

"Mmmm," Gabriel sighed. "It's really good, great choice love." He curled up against James on the couch, head on his shoulder. "I missed this with you."

"I missed it too," he said as he slowly started to tackle the soup, sip after tiny sip... He wasn't hungry at all but he made himself slowly eat.

"You need your strength," Gabriel noticed him picking at the food. "Even if you don't want to eat, it still helps you heal." He stole a bit of bread and kept one eye on James, one on the TV.

"I am trying, baby... That's why I paid an extortionate amount for it to be delivered, I love their soups... Haven't had one yet that I didn't!" He forced another mouthful and made himself swallow.

Gabriel winced, remembering that feeling. He asked James a few questions about several of the Hapsburgs, knowing he was a history buff. It worked, because James ate the rest of his soup between explanations without noticing.

The agent burped and winced but sat back, looking surprised at his empty bowl.

Gabriel flashed him a grin, pleased. He took the dishes to the kitchen and returned with tea, in travel mugs. "This way nothing vital gets burned, yeah?"

He snorted a little. "I am fine with mugs, just walking with that bloody tray was a bad idea..." He threw a reproachful look at the floor.

"This way it's clumsy proof, I'm tired as well," Gabriel yawned. "If you want to open that box by the door, I ordered us some fun things."

He did so, setting down the mug and then coming back, pushing it to the sofa with his foot. Sitting down, he opened it carefully.

"They got the color right!" Gabriel was pleased. There were several coils of soft jute rope, and a few candles, in a shade of blue that was a perfect match to James's eyes. "Do you want to take this in the bedroom, love?"

Bond was frowning a little, and he shifted. His mind was spinning, working too fast... Worrying... But then he nodded. "Okay." Trust.

"Tell me?" Gabriel asked gently, seeing his panic.

"I can't come until this thing is out..." He said softly. "But... I need to get out of my head. Nervous... I suppose..."

"You don't have to come, and I'm not going to tie anywhere you're hurting," Gabriel took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. "Lay face up for me."

He did so, and exhaled slowly. The reassurance was calming, soothing, and lay back.

Gabriel helped him undress, and carefully tied his wrists and arms in a simple dragonfly harness, but kept them in front instead.

"This is strange," he mused, eyes running up and down the length of knots and twists that went up and down his arms. "Pretty though. I see why you like it."

"It's like meditation for me, all I focus on is you," Gabriel smiled and ran the pads of his fingers across James's collar bone.

James let his eyes close and he sunk into the quiet space, the place in his head. "I love you..." He breathed.

"Love you sweetheart," Gabriel breathed. "You look so beautiful, love." The rope was the perfect complement to James's eyes, and Gabriel bent to capture his lips.

James relaxed back into the pillow and his eyes closed, and his mouth moved slowly, kissing back slowly.

Gabriel kissed him, slowly, gently. A soft, reassurance of love and devotion. He knew that James needed soft touches, no sudden grabbing or force.

It didn't take long until the agent was pliable, soft under his hands. His eyes were closed and his breathing gentle, allowing himself to be held.

Gabriel pressed a final kiss to his lips, and sat up to light one of the blue soy candles. He let the tip melt for a bit, and then dripped it onto James's skin. These were made not to burn, but melt into massage oil.

James hissed, tension rising as something hot splashed against his chest. "What? What's that?"

"Open your eyes," Gabriel said gently. He massaged the liquid into James's skin and ran his fingers over the tense neck muscles.

Bond felt like everything in his body was tense, and he grunted softly, opening his eyes to meet the green ones who looked down at him... And Bond could not help the smile that crossed his face.

"Hey handsome," Gabriel smiled back. "Is it too hot? I haven’t tried these before."

"It's..." He paused and shifted. "Borderline... This is rather new..."

"Can I roll you on your side and rub your shoulders?" Gabriel kissed his nipples.

The nipples became erect under his touch and Bond hissed. His hips rolled although that drew his attention to his... Loss. He nodded.

Gabriel noticed and stopped to nuzzle at his groin, rubbing his nose into the soft hairs. Then he rolled him over gently and sat him up so he could lean James back against him and kiss at his neck.

James had frozen, frozen at the moment Gabriel had touched his groin, somewhat breathless.

"You're so gorgeous," Gabriel sighed against his neck. "Love you so much, you're perfect."


	4. Chapter 4

"Gabriel," he was starting to shake, starting to panic. Fingers flexed and moved restless, pained and uncomfortable. He wriggled, not seeing his lover any more but knowing he was still there.

"Look at me, love" Gabriel commanded softly. "Focus for me."

Bond’s mouth felt like sandpaper and he whetted his lips as he looked at him. He focused on his eyes. Deep jade green, with flecks of amber. He felt himself start to relax.

Gabriel smiled softly. "Good job, love." He pressed a kiss to his forehead, and wrapped James in his arms, pulling him back against his chest.

James sighed and after a moment, was relaxing in his grip. It took very little until he was snoring.

Gabriel pulled himself to sit against the headboard, James cradled in his arms. He blew out the candle and loosened the ropes enough for James to escape if he panicked.

James didn't panic and held onto the ropes like a life line. He slept long and deep, barely stirring until the middle of the next day.

"Hey gorgeous," Gabriel kissed him awake as he started to stir. "I'm so glad you were able to rest."

Bond blinked, still full of sleep. "How long was I out?" He asked after a sleepy moment.

"Its afternoon, again," Gabriel helped him sit up. "I think that food did you some good. Let's get your pills into you before you get too sore though." He handed James his medicine and a glass of water. "You slept right through me getting up, and didn't have any nightmares. Progress." He rubbed his thumb across the frown lines in Bond's forehead and kissed him.

"Its the company," he said and opened his mouth for the pills, but used the glass himself. He could enjoy the feeding... But the drinking was too much. "I fell asleep tied up?" That was surprising.

"Yes," Gabriel undid the ropes. "Let's get some blood flowing into your wrists though, we have enough things out of commission." He rubbed James's wrists gently, and handed him some toast. "At least get this into your stomach to offset those antibiotics. Anything on the agenda today that means we have to get out of bed?"

"Everything from the waist down," James said and crunched on the toast with one hand, letting Gabriel massage the other. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. I'm surprised that I slept though." 

"Stop it," Gabriel scolded fondly. "It will just take time. You don't have to have an orgasm to enjoy being touched. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. I'm so relieved to have you here in person I will take advantage of that." He shifted James so he could rub his feet. "If you feel up to it, we can go sit on the balcony and get some sun."

"I wouldn't mind a shower first," he had always taken pride in his appearance and knew that sitting around feeling sorry for himself would make him feel worse.

"Ok, the chair is still in there. Do you want some help?" Gabriel rubbed his nose against James's five o'clock shadow.

"Please... And some loose comfortable clothes... I look forward to getting back into my suits..." He said thoughtfully and slid out of bed.

"After we get back from the cabin," Gabriel teased. "You'll be lucky I allow you clothes at all." He got out of bed with a stretch, and got James and himself fresh clothes.

"Why not say that when we are in the cabin?" Bond suggested, battling the thought for a moment. There had always been an end to the scenes and he had to wonder... Was he ready to give full control, full trust over an extended period of time? To fully allow Gabriel to take care of his every need, to peel him apart until he was empty and whole at the same time. He watched the young man who he had fallen for and felt himself smile. Yes. He was ready.

"When we're in the cabin what?" Gabriel came in the bathroom, arms full of clothes and towels. He froze, staring at the cup with two tooth brushes. Home. They were home.

"Full power exchange," he said quietly as he limped into the bathroom. He emptied the catheter and seemed happy that there was very little blood.

"Whatever you're ready for, love," Gabriel studied his face. "Not because you think I want it though. Because you want to."

He met it with an even, small smile on his face. "I would not have suggested it, otherwise..." He said with a smile.

"Making sure, is all," Gabriel opened his arms. "I just saw our toothbrushes together, and it hit me. We have a flat, we really are doing this, making a life together."

That made his grin widen somewhat, and he glanced over his shoulder at the tooth brushes. "We should have everyone around in a few days - when I can comfortably wear trousers - to say thank you."

"Jim did mention bringing his wife if we have a flat warming party," Q mused. "We could make homemade pizza and have Eve bring that deadly wine she buys stock in."

"It would be good to raise a glass and say thanks thanks to all those who have helped us..." He added.

"Invite Alec, and Adelaide," Q suggested. He shed his clothes and stepped into the shower, holding out a hand for James to join him.

“R and Q branch… Jim and his wife,” he took his hand and stepped inside. “Although… perhaps we should wait until we get back?” he closed the door behind them and stepped in, closing his eyes. 

"Whenever you're up to it," Gabriel took his elbow to steady him and buried his face against his neck. "God I missed how you smell," he said. "Will you touch me, if it won't bother you?" He asked, shyly.

"Touching you had never bothered me..." He said quietly as his hands came to rest on Gabriel’s hips.

"I know," Gabriel kissed his hair. "But the last few months have been hell. And I don't want to assume that you're okay with it just because I'm ready."

"I need it, Gabriel..." He looked down. It took him a moment to find the words. "I need you to crack me open... Because I don't think I can start to heal without it..."

"How about if I hold you while you crack yourself open? I'm not going away. Whatever it is that you find you need, I'm here," he tilted James's face so he could kiss him.

Softly, he returned the kisses, his head tilted up to Gabriel's. He sighed softly. "Baby... I love you..."

"Love... you too..." Gabriel mouthed back between kisses. "Don't scare me like that again. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Getting all heroic and deciding to sacrifice yourself to save me. You'll be lucky I let you leave Q branch when I go back to work." He clutched at James, all the fear and nerves finally hitting him.

“Actually, this time, I was jumped on the streets and smacked around the head with a crowbar… or I think it was. I saw nothing more than the ground rushing up to smack me in the face!” 

"Whatever it was, left a chunk of your bloody hair," Q shivered. "Alec found it. And then we had to wait." He turned up the warm water, trying to stave off the memories that were chilling his achy muscles.

"I tried to escape repeatedly..." He whispered and touched his chin. "It's over... It's over..."

"Open your eyes, James," Q raised his voice into a command. "Focus on me. You're with me, and we're safe."

He smiled a little. "I am okay... I'm okay..." he said softly.

"Sit for me," Gabriel helped him sit gently, and placed both of James's hands back on his hips. "I was so scared."

He stroked down over his shoulders gently, and tugged him into his knee. "Love you..."

"Love you," Gabriel curled up against him, one hand over James's heart beat. Quiet. A moment of peace, in the eye of the storm. He let himself arch against his lover, a reminder that his touch was desired.

"You’re safe..." He whispered.

"I bloody hope so," Gabriel was too exhausted to fight more. "Just need to be in your arms awhile." He kissed James.

James kissed back slowly and was more than happy to wait and hold and kiss softly until he felt better.

"What shall we do with the flat, to make it feel more like home?" Gabriel shampooed his hair.

"It needs your personality. It needs Q branch quirk..." Mused the agent.

"Tech everywhere and takeout containers?" Q laughed. "I want it to be home, not work. And Alec was kind enough to arrange the toys. I suppose those need fixing, first thing.”

That made James laugh out loud, and he leant in to capture Q’s nose in a sweet sweet kiss. “I think that will be your project, babe… I will stick to security and supplying the armoury that MI6 doesn’t know about.”

"If you feel okay to come and keep me company, I can explain some of the things we haven't used, while I put them away," he kissed him back, and put one of James's hands on his cock. "Another time though," he laid his head against James. "I may need your help hanging the swing."

James's hand turned and he gently palmed the organ until it was hard in his hand.

"Missed you touching me," Q sighed, rutting into his touch. "It doesn't feel the same when it's my hands." It had been too long since James had touched him, and sex was always his favorite way of getting rid of stress. He didn't want to push his lover too hard, but for this moment, he was just a little selfish. That many nights in a chair outside James's room in Medical, torturing himself if he would ever feel this again.

"Let me relax you," he nipped his shoulder lightly. He couldn't do much but he knew what he could do. "Bring the lube..."

Q stepped out of the shower and shook his mess of wet curls like a dog. He dashed into the bedroom to find the lube, glad that it has retained its place in the nightstand through the move. He threw a towel down on the bathroom floor so James wouldn't slip later, and ducked gratefully back under the warm water. "Here, brrrr," he sat back on James's lap, his erection still jutting against his stomach.

James pulled him so that he was against him and he kiss him. Hard. Bond kissed him like there lives were ending and he pulled him down so he was straddling his lap.

"Please," Q begged. He wanted to feel James against him, feel those lips on his. He didn't realize how dependent he had become on his lover's touch, or how bereft he felt without it. "Need you, need to kneel for you,"

“Shh…” Bond whispered. “Close your eyes… lean on me…” the lube slid over his fingers and he pressed them against Gabriel’s entrance slowly, pushing through the resistance. He curled his fingers.

Gabriel keened, the relief at James's fingers inside him. He didn't generally care that he was the receiving partner during sex, but this time he wanted to be, wanted James's touch to possess him.

Bond curled his finger and wrapped his other hand around his cock, kissing him deeply.

It didn't take much, a few thrusts of James's fingers, and Gabriel spilled across his hand. He moaned into James's mouth, shuddering as the aftershocks wracked his body. "I can't wait to touch you," he sighed wistfully.

“You can touch me, baby… just make it slow… and we should probably get out of the shower too, otherwise I will end up all pruney…” he whispered as he rinsed away his hands. 

"Not until the doctor says," Q sighed, "as much as I want to." He tried not to complain, to remember it wasn't permanent. "Maybe when you're ready for a snowmobile," he teased, standing and helping James up.

“It should not be too long now… although… there is something you can do for me now… if you're comfortable with it…” he was going red, he knew he was going red… damn. “I need you to touch the scarring… touch what’s left of my balls…” It was humiliating to ask.

"Now, or do you want to get comfortable?" Gabriel had an arm under James's shoulder, so he wouldn't slip. "You don't have anything to prove to me, its not going to change how I feel about loving you."

“Wait until we are on the bed… then I can relax back into it… “James said slowly, towl drying his hair. He was slowly getting more steady, and the waddle was going down.

Gabriel licked a drop of water off the nape of his neck. "However you're comfortable, love," he ran his hands up and down James's sides, trying to sooth his lover with the touch of his hands. "Come to bed," he whispered, trying to let James think of it as less than an experiment against his fear, and more like a night they would spend off mission.

“Always,” James said and allowed himself to be lead to the bedroom. He needed this... he needed to be touched. 

Gabriel pulled James into bed with him, a gentle tug that let James settle himself comfortably. He touched him like he would any other time, like he was on fire and James was the only thing that could save him. He was careful of the catheter, careful of the tubing. But this was still the man he was desperately in love with, his grounding point when he couldn't make the nightmares go away. They had been hurt before, and would be again. But his lover was still the most precious thing in his world, injured or not.

James was still, his legs parted and his knees bent, so that Q could see everything. It was a horrific injury, more to the fact that it had been done with intent and purpose by a man who wanted nothing more then to break James Bond, to destroy someone as much as they possibly could. James hung his head, and the noise he made then Gabriel touched the scar, it was like an animal, wounded, and desperate… hurting so bad that he could barely stand it, as if he would go mad from the pain.

But you already are mad… You broke when he touched you… It was Gabriel’s voice in his mind. He ignored it, but his face screwed up. 

"Hey, tell me," Gabriel saw the wince on his face. He crawled up to pull James into his arms, wrapping him tight. "All I want is you not to be hurting baby, nothing else matters."

James said nothing, just laughed bitterly. He couldn't say what he feared. He could not say those words.

"How can I prove it to you?" Gabriel studied him, could see the doubt and fear.

"I am losing my mind, Gabriel," he stared past him, and raked a hand through his hair.  
 _You never had it._  
"Oh, shut up!" he snapped.

"Who are you hearing?" Gabriel asked quietly. "Silva still tells me that I'm worthless, that someone would have to be paid to fuck me. I know how hard it is."

"You," he said softly and he flushed with embarrassment. "I am hearing you in my head, taunting me for Christ sake...'

"Oh love," Gabriel winced. "Look at me, you are handsome and wonderful and perfect. I wouldn't change a thing other than your pain." He kissed his way across James's scars and bruises, a gentle brush of tongue across the missing part of his sack, and the catheter.

James hissed but it did hush the voices, just for a little while. The agent watched him, eyes open, gaze wide and frightened... Not of himself but his own body, his own mind.

Gabriel wound his fingers through James's, a reassurance that James could get his attention. He kept licking at him, bathing his thighs with a warm tongue, eyes locked together.

James watched him, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to control himself. Tears spilled in his eyes, but he did not call it off. He knew that any sign, any stop, or enough would make his lover stop… and he always had the safe word. But James didn’t, and he just watched his lover.

It was breaking his heart, the tears. But James needed to see that he was loved, and adored. And that the voice he was hearing in his head had nothing to do with the lover who treasured him. 

In the end James could take no more. It was not a physical pain, it was something more than that. “Sky-Skyfall,” he croaked, clawing at the sheets. "I can't... I-I.. No more..." 

Gabriel stopped immediately, and gathered him in his arms. He talked about the book he was reading, and their plans for the cabin. By the time James opened his eyes again, he was smiling down at him lovingly, nuzzled against him.

"You’re lovely," Bond said, and stretched, yawning. He rolled into his back slowly. "I need to get out... Go for a walk..."

"Ok," Gabriel sat up. "Do you want company?"

He smiled weekly. "Always... And lunch? I need to get fresh air and sunshine..."

"Sure," Gabriel got them both loose clothes. "There was a restaurant on the corner that looked good, and they had soft looking chairs," he suggested. "Do you want me to bring you a book?"

"I would rather have your company," he smiled softly and offered Gabriel his hand. "Help me dress... Then let's go.."

"I like doing things for you," he admitted with a smile. "I wish it were under other circumstances, but I love helping you, taking care of you." He kissed James's cheek softly as he helped him dress.

“I am still getting used to it… but it's nice knowing that there is someone there…” James looked up at him. “Its like… Its like knowing that no matter how crappy you feel, there is always someone there who wants to make you feel better. Its very reassuring…” James pulled on some very loose trousers, that looked frankly ridiculous, and then they were off out.

Gabriel kept him tucked into his arm, more to reassure himself that his lover was safe, than to help James walk. The cafe at the corner was lovely, old windows and doors made into tables. There were mismatched couches and chairs, and Gabriel chose a soft loveseat for them, and then brought back menus.

He exclaimed over the tea list, a bright smile on his face. The sun drifted in the window and caught in James's hair, and when Gabriel saw, he couldn't look away.


	5. Chapter 5

“You’re staring,” James said softly, closing his eyes for a long moment as he looked up at his lover, looking over the menu. “See something you like?”

"Yes," Gabriel smiled. "The man I'm in love with." His face was soft, and he could see them, years from now, his own hair gone grey, sitting like this.

James smirked a little and then set the menu down. “The toasted ham sandwich, I think…” Again, it was light and easy to digest. “And a cappuccino… “

"Hmmm... ok," Gabriel had gotten distracted looking at him, and forgotten to look at the food. "A pot of Kukicha tea, please, and the bread and cheese platter," he asked the waitress. He took James's hand. "I was thinking..."

“A phrase to give any sensible man pause,” James said wryly.

"Neither of us is going anywhere," Gabriel took a deep breath. "I thought we might go to the jewelry store, and get rings. I realized, I don't ever want to be without you."

James had frozen at the words, and at that moment, the waitress came over too them, handing them there drinks… sensing the tension between them, she didn’t linger. James slowly took a sip of his drink,

"I'm sorry," Gabriel faltered. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I just... wanted you to know."

"What are you suggesting?" James asked slowly.

"Never mind," Gabriel stood. "I'm going to go wash my hands." He made it into the bathroom before he let himself fall apart. He ended up sitting on the floor against the wall, shaking. The picture in his head wouldn't leave, James looking at him through thick glasses, the smile lines on his cheeks, and the silver ring on his finger.

It took James an age to follow him, but it was more that walking was an issue. “Gabriel, what’s wrong?” he asked, loudly, and somewhat irate that he had been made to walk.

He stood up quickly and washed off his face. "Nothing, I'm alright. Just got a bit overwhelmed, thinking too hard." He pulled James into his arms. "I've never taken the time to think ahead until I met you, and its scary. I could see us, grey haired, still together. And I realized that I wanted that more than anything."

"You are suggesting marriage?" He asked cautiously, rubbing his back gently.

"Would you say yes?" Gabriel whispered. "I wouldn't leave if you said no. But I don't think I could hear it."

"I... Don't know. Not yet..." James cupped his cheek lightly. "I want to feel better first... I'm not ruling it out... But I can't commit to anything else at the moment..."

"I understand," Gabriel smiled. "Let's go eat." He spent the rest of the meal quiet, watching James thoughtfully.

James picked more then he ate, and he tried to ignore the voices. There was more than one. He twitched as he ate, scowling at what he heard.

"What are you hearing?" Gabriel asked softly as they left the restaurant. "You're in pain, and a million miles away."

He shook his head a little. “I’m sorry, babe… They are just carrying on about all sorts… I will try and be a little more with it…” he smiled, sounding unsure. He felt like he was going mad… He probably already had gone mad.

"I'm going to see Adelaide this afternoon, maybe she will have some ideas," Gabriel frowned. He felt helpless, and there were no easy solutions to make this better.

"I don't want to end up back in the hospital, babe..." James said quietly, expressing a very valid fear.

"You aren't ending up in any hospital unless there's an infection. You were tortured love, your mind will need to heal just as much as your body."

“I am not exactly the most patient man in the word,” James said with a weak smile. “Patience is not one of my virtues…” James sighed and relaxed back into Gabriel. “Okay… I will see her. Will you stay?”

"I know you aren't patient, you are used to being able to save the world," Gabriel smiled. "I'll do anything I can to help." He sent Adelaide a text message letting her know James would want to speak to her as well. Tesla met them at the door with an excited meow, Eve close at her heels.

"Hello, you two," she smiled. "Good to see you up and about, James. I brought your little girl, and some shopping."

“Hello, baby,” James cooed and scooped the kitten from Eve. She immediately crawled onto his shoulders. “And hello Eve,” James leant in and kissed her cheek.

"Someone missed her Da, I've been replaced," Q laughed. "Hello love, good to see you," he kissed both her cheeks. "Is Alec still planning on kidnapping me for that pub crawl this weekend? I can't bring James, so I have to think up a good excuse."

“You are not going on a pub crawl with the double oh’s without me,” James yelled from the front room.

"I'm trying to figure a way to get out of it! I barely drink!" Gabriel retorted. "Oh! Alec said I'm supposed to ask if you still have the leather pants, something about every woman in London wanting you..." He reappeared from the kitchen, where he was unpacking fruit from the bags.

James was staring at him, wide eyes and horrified... Then he narrowed his eyes and glared. "I am going to kill him!"

"He said it was quite the sight," Gabriel teased. "You won't dance for me, baby? Please?" He batted eyes at James pleadingly.

“For you, maybe…” he looked at Eve who was in near hysterics. “For her… not a chance,” and Eve howled with laughter. “Darling, I have seen enough of you to last a lifetime!”

"Eve can go find her own man," Gabriel laughed. "I'm not sharing. Wait, what DID you see? Oh no, tell me you two didn't hook up!"

Eve grinned at that, looking at Bond and then back at Q. “You were not the first one to shave James Bond…” Q said as she turned , leaving the together. Bond was stroking the kitten who purred happily.

"Never mind, I don't even want to know," Gabriel laughed. "Tell Alec after we get back from the cabin we will go pub crawling. Let's go sit on the balcony, love? Eve, can you bring tea?"

James followed Q and he sat down… and then slid to his knees beside Q. Breathing deep, he nuzzled at his thigh. “Sir…” he said softly. “I need you to take control…” It wasn’t a sexual request, he just needed the guiding hand. Eve came out and seemed perfectly at ease with James on his knees. James had stiffened and turned his face into Q.

"Ok, Love," he nuzzled into Bond's hair. "I love you, sweetheart. He tilted his chin up for a sweet kiss, and handed him a pillow to kneel on. The overstuffed lounge chair was large enough for two. "You can come sit by my feet if it's more comfortable, baby. You look lovely. Thank you, Eve." He handed James a mug of tea.

James took it and sat there. He shifted so he was sitting, leaning against his legs and sipped the tea. Tesla curled up in his lap. “How are you both settling in?” Eve asked.

"Its gotten easier," Gabriel smiled. "Thank you for all the work, Eve. You did such a great job. It's a big relief to not be back in familiar surroundings where everything happened. But at the same time, we still need to face it. Love, you can answer for yourself, sorry. I didn't mean to monopolize," he turned to James and petted his shoulder.

"I am happy with that answer," he said quietly, distracted and watching the world go by with the kitten in his lap.

"Focus for me love," Gabriel encouraged. "I scared him a bit today, asked how he would feel about a ring," he told Eve. "I thought it might be easier than the collar right now, something to not wear around the neck. But we're going to talk about it later."

"You didn't scare me," James said, before Eve could get a word in. "It was the last thing that I thought you would ask... Ever..."

"Why? I plan on spending the rest of my life with you," he kissed James's upturned face. "Why wouldn't I marry you? I'm in love with you. I adore you. Of course I would ask. And right now we have time to focus on us, rather than worrying about who is coming after us next. I was watching him at the cafe," he told Eve, "and I could see him with his glasses on, and our hair grey, and us still there together. And I realized, I didn't want a future without that."

"You mean besides from the fact that I am crazy and everyone I love has a sentence over there head? People don't fall in love with people like me. You will always end up a target."

"I'm already with you, and you were a target because of me," Gabriel retorted. "What makes you think I am going to give up now, just when I got you back. You stupid stubborn man, I'm going to love you, and that's final." He kissed James, his eyes watering.

Eve made a subtle retreat as James floundered trying to find the words that were just under the surface. He licked his lips, they felt dry, before the words came out in a rush. “Your better then me… you could do so much better then a twisted, bitter, broken man…”

"Hush, don't talk about yourself like that," Gabriel shook his head. "You let yourself get captured to protect me. Even if you never say I love you again, I will know you do. I just don't want you to come to resent me, for what happened. Why would you marry someone who got you tortured?"

"I am being honest - for once. I know I'm not alright, and that's alright..." He frowned as he thought through it. He wasn't alright... And it was okay to admit that. Admit that he needed the help, needed these legs to sit against. "Not yet, Gabriel... I'm not ready..."

"I know, you told me," Gabriel nodded. "I'm not forcing it. I'm not going anywhere, James. I just don't want you to think you aren't worthy."

Bond made a humph sound and flopped against Gabriel's leg. “My balls hurt…” he grumbled, shifting to try and get comfortable.

"Some ice?" Gabriel suggested. He went in the kitchen to get ice, and found Eve playing with her phone. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he sighed. "I just don't know how to help him." A knock at the door interrupted. "Oh! That's Adelaide. I'll let her talk to James first then." He welcomed her, with an apology for disappearing last time. "James is out on the patio, if you'd like to talk to him first. And bring him this?" He handed her some ice wrapped in a towel.

“We’ll stay in here,” Eve said as she pushed a cup of tea in front of Q and gestured for him to sit down. “You are doing brilliantly. You are being what he needs, someone to lean on, someone to talk to… what happened was horrific, but you cannot blame yourself… It seemed to me that they did to James what they did to Z… hurt them to try and make you behave, make you conform… How would you be if they cut off something that makes you who you are?”

"I wish it was me, instead of him," Q sighed. "I don't know how to make it up to him. He put himself in that position because of me, and now he feels like he isn't good enough for me. The only thing they could take away from me that is worth that much to me is my mind, and they have already tried."

“If it was you, then he would still blame him self,” Eve said gently. “He was recovering – you saw how happy he looked that morning when he went for a run. He looked content, Q… You did that. Not medical, not psych… You. The saddest part was that they got him when he was already down…”

"Yeah, I'm hoping Adelaide can help. I'm out of ideas here."  
***  
"Q said you've been having a rough patch, James? Why don't you tell me?"

James looked up. He had shifted into the chair and the kitten was purring on his lap, kneading his knee. “Did he tell you that he unofficially proposed?” James asked quietly, then nodded at the door. “Close that… I don’t want to be overheard…”

"He mentioned that he brought it up, and badly," Adelaide smiled. "Eve is in the kitchen distracting him. He said he sees a future with you. I imagine you would be scared, and happy, and ready to run. He's a very loyal, caring person. He did mention I should ask you about having these negative things going over in your mind."

James didn't respond for a time... And then he spoke slowly. "I have been hearing... Voices..." James said slowly.

"What kind of voices?" Adelaide asked gently. "You went through trauma. Your mind is trying to compartmentalize."

"Gabriel's voice mostly..." Bond said in a slow, haunting voice. "Sometimes Bolivar... Sometimes myself when I was younger..."

"And what do they say?" Adelaide asked. She had a full idea based on his reaction, but he needed to be the one to say it. "Nothing positive."

"They get rather chatty at times. When I was with Bolivar, I saw Gabriel there... I don't see him now, but I hear him enough..."

"And does he say things that are something your partner would say?"

"Yes. He is very much like Gabriel... And Bolivar is nuts and my younger self sounds like... Well, me..."

"What do they say?" She asked. "I can't imagine you partner telling you how much he loves you, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, would be causing this."

"I think I lost my mind a little," James said sagely. "There was a point - where I saw my own testicle in his hand, actually, and after that..." He shook his head.

She winced. "I'm sorry, no one should have to endure that. I don't care what training they gave you, there is nothing that would prepare you for that. And it’s not ok. Now what does your younger self say?"

"He is a cocky, snobby little shit bag," James said and he huffed. "I swear I was never that much of a brat!"

Adelaide laughed. "Somehow, James, I wonder about that. What does he say? No more avoiding the question now.”

"Not much... He talks like I am some sort of big brother. He is cross at me because I'm with a man, thinks Eve is -in his words - smoking."

"Why would he be cross that you are with a man? I don't see you noticing one way or another how Eve looks when Gabriel is around. You have a loving partner, who is very good looking. His gender isn't important."

"To me now, yes. When I was younger, I was very much against the idea... Men in any shape at all..." He shook his head.

"Any particular reason why? You and Alec seem close. And you don't seem to be close minded to me."

“He is like my brother… It was just the way I was raised, before my parents… before they died. I would estimate that Young James is ten… “ he paused, “he says he is seven…”

"Is that when they died?" Adelaide asked. "I bet he sounds just like who they would have expected you to be. But your paths went another way, James. It's okay that you are happy not fitting into those shoes. You've been a highly decorated naval officer, you've saved England."

"Repeatedly," he said, nodding in agreement. "But now I have voices... And I tried to save Gabriel .. but who saves me? I am what I am... I just think that I have... Snapped."

"It's not that you have voices James, it's whether or not you are letting them stop you," Adelaide sighed. "I told you I was a field medic, yes? I have a voice in my head that sounds a lot like my mother that tells me that I lost patients because it wasn't a job for a female, and I wasn't good enough. But that doesn't mean she was right. We all have those voices, that tell us everyone is actually coping better than we are. But it’s not true. And I think you are surrounded by some very good people who are trying very hard to save you. Gabriel, Alec, Eve, even me. We are on your side, if you will let us."

He arched an eyebrow. "And I'm not letting you, how? And not all the voices are... Negative."

"Well you asked who was going to save you, James," she reminded. "All you have to do is not push us away. Not everything is a come in with guns blazing to save the world. Sometimes all we can do is listen, and protect you while you heal. If there was an easier way, Gabriel would put his life down to find it for you."

"Gabriel needs to stop putting everyone else first," Bond replied grimly. " And I'm healing. What else am I meant to do?"

"Gabriel puts you first because he loves you," Adelaide pointed out. "He feels responsible. And taking care of you is the best way he knows to show it. All you have to focus on right now is you, letting yourself heal. And try not to be so hard on yourself, for your own sake."

"But..." The agent protested, "I am being pretty easy on myself... I was drugged and beaten and mutilated. It makes me feel sick to remember it. I fight to remember that it wasn't my fault... But it was. He tried to protect me and I went off alone..."

"And it's over and can't be changed, so let it go," Adelaide advised. "Just let him love you James. It's all he wants.""Am I not?" He asked, suddenly dangerous. Cold.

"You are," she assured. "But you both have enough to fight without battling each other. What does his voice say in your head? Don't confuse that with the physical him, is all I'm trying to say."

James turned to look at her slowly, his gaze burned.  
" That everything is gonna be alright... That's what he says in my head."

"So why is that bad?" Adelaide was puzzled.

"Because I don't actually believe that myself... And in my line of work - actually, most lines of work, hearing voices is a bad thing."

"We all hear voices James, whether we admit it or not. And everything will be okay for you both, eventually. If you don't continue this madness of saving the world single handed, you might even have a normal life."

“I have never had one before – why would I want one now? Besides, isn’t normal on of the phrases psychologists use then they are running out of ideas? What is normal? Normal for me is a gun in my hand, a glass of whisky in the other. This,” he gestured generally, “Is as far from normal as I get!”

"Aren't you tired of living like this?" Adelaide asked gently. "Let someone else deal with the craziness and enjoy your lover. I think uneventful might be a better word than normal."

James turned his head to look at her. Having his brain picked was irritating, and this woman was getting particularly so. He scowled. “I think we are done here,” he said very slowly.

OK," Adelaide nodded. "Thank you for talking to me."   
She went in and found Q alone at the kitchen table, Eve had left.  
"So what made you propose to him now?"

"The idea of a life without him," Gabriel said unhesitantly. 

“Do you think he is planning to run?” She asked him gently.

"I don't know," Gabriel said ruefully. "If he was physically better yes. But now he can't and I see him paving like a caged wolf. Biding his time."

“Do you really think that something like an injury would stop him? If he really wanted to go?”

"Probably not," he admitted. "I wasn't trying to scare him, I probably surprised myself more. I just want him to know, I'm not giving up."

“I don’t think fear is the word that I would use to describe what I saw in him… shock, perhaps? Wonder? He wonders why anyone could love him, which makes me what to ask you – why do you love him? He is a killer, and he will kill again. Psyche have been tossing words like psychopath around him for years. Doesn’t that bother you?”

"No, I have seen the other side of him. He isn't a threat to me. I know what he does for work, that isn't a surprise to me. I can't help it. I've never cared for someone like this Adelaide, there is nothing I can do to convince my heart otherwise."

She held up her hands in mock surrender, her smile warm. "He is due back tomorrow, yes? To the doctors? Find out if he is good to fly then go. Go and spend time in Alec's ski cabin."

"Yes, I hope so. He gets anxious locked in here. Thank you Adelaide, that helps," he smiled.

Adelaide nodded. "I'll see myself out... And Q... He will let you know when he is ready..." She didn't specify what. To talk. Sex. Marriage.


	6. Chapter 6

Gabriel went to go find his lover. "Adelaide reminded me we see the doctor tomorrow. You ready to go to the cabin if everything is healing well?" He asked. 

James looked over to him and gave him a small, lazy smile. His palm extended to his lover, fingers outstretched. "Good God yes."

Gabriel wound their fingers together. "We should pack for the cabin then, and we can leave right after the doctor. Eve can take Tesla. But did you still need to kneel for awhile love?"

"I'm okay," he said after a moment's thought. Yes, for the moment, James felt okay. A simple sense of calm, if stability. He smiled to himself and nodded.

"Are you still wanting me to take control while we are there? Or do you want to go as equals?" Gabriel kissed his fingers where they were joined. "There isn't a right answer love, whatever you need."

"We are always equals, love... I know that now... I just have the option of not being it, once in awhile... As do you…”

"I wouldn't mind," Gabriel admitted, "letting you be in control for awhile."

"I know," James said with a slight smile as he touched his hair lightly. "It should wait though, until walking is less of an issue.”

"True, good point," Gabriel leaned into the touch. "What would you like me to bring?"

James turned into his head and gently ran his nose along the length of Gabriel’s in an affectionate gesture. “Surprise me? Although I would very much like to experiment with pain and pleasure…” he chuckled and pulled him carefully onto his knee. “I had no idea that I could come from pain…”

"OK, I will see what I have that you haven't tried yet," Gabriel sighed and nuzzled against him contentedly. "So the candles were good enough to repeat?"

He hummed a little and closed his eyes, kissing his hair. “Yes…” he hummed with a smile. “I think so… I like when you push…”

"Ok, I can do that," Gabriel kissed him sweetly. "So rope, candles, maybe that new whip I got," he smiled. "And lube."

"For tonight... can we just curl up together?" he said softly. "Food and sleep and a movie or something?"

"Of course," Gabriel sighed, relaxing into his lover's hands. "I'll find something in the fridge if you pick a movie. And can you let Alec and Eve know about tomorrow? In a minute though, I'm enjoying being held."

He hummed and nodded, tightening his grip. “Just don’t wiggle darling,” he teased with a slight smirk. “Do you think they will let us go? If I can fly?"

"I don't see why not, they all agree we need a break," Gabriel said. "But first let's deal with the doctor. There bruises are healing well, and the swelling is going down. I'm just not sure at this point, how much pain and swelling is normal. So we need to make sure."

“You mean how much is left over,” James said with something like paranoia, and more than a little resentment. After all… he had survived something that he should not have, something that had killed so many before him. “I still can’t bring myself to look…” He turned and pressed into Gabriel’s neck.

"When you are ready to, I will be right here to hold you," Gabriel assured him, heart breaking. "You know it doesn't matter to me, right? You're still perfect."

He snorted but said nothing more.

"That's quite enough," Gabriel scolded. "No feeling sorry for yourself. Look at me," he turned James to face him. "I'm not going to stop loving you, do you hear me?"

James snorted again but there was a small smile on his face. "I know that... That was never a doubt... But I'm not perfect..."

"You're perfect to me," Gabriel told him. "I wouldn't change you for anything. Tell me all about what there is to do in this cabin... besides be naked and tie you up?"

That caught his attention and Bond let out a surprised chuckle, and nuzzled close, pressing his face. They talked for well over an hour before Bond started to yawn and the temperature dropped.

"Ready to go inside?" Gabriel asked with a sleepy smile. "Bed sounds awful good, and I'll make us a snack later." He stood and offered James his hand.

Smiling, James took his hand and stood up. “A nap sounds like a brilliant idea… come on, love…” he said and followed him… until he stopped in the doorway of their bedroom. “Gabriel, kneel. ” Command oozed from his voice, the easy confidence that he would be obeyed. 

"Yes, Sir," Gabriel knelt, a smooth movement that ended with his face resting on James's feet. He felt the tension seep out of his shoulders and relaxed with a contented sigh.

James ran his fingers through his hair lightly and sat on the edge of the bed. "Lean over the bed, baby. I want to see that ass of yours..."

"Sir?" Gabriel rose gracefully and bent over the edge of the bed. His breath was fast, and he was more turned on than he had thought possible. He had been looking forward to this, needing to be out of his head. As much as he enjoyed taking care of his lover, the stress piling up was taking a toll on him.

Bond shifted to get comfortable and his hand ran down over his bottom. His fingernails dragged slowly over the tender flesh.

Gabriel gasped and rutted against the soft duvet. His skin had goosebumps, and he pressed back against Bond's hand. Not to test his boundaries, but to keep his touch secure.

Bonds hands darted away, ghosting over his skin. He slapped, hard, and then palmed his rear, parting his cheeks.

He whimpered, rubbing against the hands on him. The red skin felt like it was on fire, but James teasing at his crack was the perfect distraction to keep him on the edge between pleasure and pain.

"Keep still and I will let you come..." Purred James and pressed his tongue lightly over the hole and started to slowly circle it.

"James, please," Gabriel mewled, trying to stay still. He could feel himself leaking, pre-come dripping and pooling on the duvet. It was the perfect angle though, just teasing enough that he wanted to move, but then he wouldn't be allowed to come. He loved the feel of his partner this confident, in control. 

His nails suddenly tightened against the bare flesh of his arse, and one hand slipped between his so he could rut against his hand. “Please Sir, what?” he asked softly.

"Please, Sir, I want to please you," Gabriel begged. He rutted against James's warm fingers.

"So be still," Bond leant in and licked the entrance slowly, fluttering light licks. Over and over again

Gabriel gritted his teeth and hung onto the duvet for dear life. He wanted James inside him so badly, but the delicious tease of his lover's tongue on him was just enough to make him whine fretfully.

His fingers circled Q's cock. "Come for me baby," he breathed as he tongued his ass. "Fuck into my hand..."

Yes, Sir," it only took him a couple of thrusts to spill over James's fingers, and James was relentless.

James hummed as he sagged, scooting close to stroke his back as he came off the high.

Gabriel curled back against him with a shiver. "That was perfect love, thank you," he pulled James's arm tight around him. 

James hummed and kissed his hair…

A week and a half later, James stomped the snow off his boots as he pushed open the door to Alec's cabin. "Leave the bags, babe," James called. "A fire first," it was bitter. He wasn't getting naked until it was warm. A discussion with the doctors and the catheter was removed, with a massive list of medication and instructions. When discussing their sex life, the doctors seemed... Dubious. A long joint discussion with Adelaide and James said... Nothing. He he didn't want to talk and he had been getting quieter, more withdrawn, the entire journey here.

Gabriel knelt to start the fire, and tried to ignore the ominous silence. There had been nothing coming from his lover other than terse sentences since their meeting with Adelaide. And Gabriel didn't know what the best way to breach the wall would be.  
"Anything you would like, love?" he asked, hesitantly.

"I'll do tea," he said and knocked the door closed with his foot. Apart from the chill, the cabin was warm and cosy. James turned the lights on, and went through, carrying the bags to the bedroom then went to the kitchen.

Gabriel sighed. He was trying to be non-confrontational, let James get to where he needed to be on his own time. But this was building like a volcano waiting to erupt. 

"Love?" He walked into the kitchen loudly, careful not to scare his lover.

"What?" The tea spoon clattered from his fingers, indicating that he has been miles away.

"It's warm, when you want to undress," Gabriel slipped his arms around Bond's waist. "Just you, and me, and the fire...."

James pulled away, his mug in his hand. "Seriously? I'm really not in the mood for that kind of shit, babe."

"Okay," Gabriel backed up. "At home, that's what you said you wanted when we talked about coming here. I just thought-"

"You thought what?" His voice had dropped, dangerous. "I’m broken, remember?" He pushed past Gabriel and dropped into a chair by the fire.

"I thought that you still wanted that," Gabriel sighed. "You aren't broken, you are healing."

"When are you going to get with it? There is no healing this time, Gabriel," James said and he almost sounded patient, like talking to a child.

"So you're going to give up? Just because it won't be the same doesn't mean that you can't ever have pleasure, or be without pain," Gabriel said quietly. "I've never seen you quit before."

"I can never be whole though. Why bother fighting? The damage is done," he sipped his tea. "It's done... And I can't fight any more. I'm tired of fighting because you know who loses? Me."

"Okay, I can't ask you to," Gabriel nodded. "I just thought we were going to try... together. To make something new for us, something we could share."

"Until someone take it away? Someone kills you? Or you meet someone who makes you feel better then I can?"

"Do you really think that little of me?" Gabriel recoiled like James had smacked him. "That I'm out there being careless, just waiting for someone to steal me away? I asked you to marry me, you asshole. Not so I could run off with the next man that walks by, so I could spend the rest of my life with you."

"Well, you can't because guess what, James Bond died. He died when Bolivar destroyed him. I can't fight any more... I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of hurting..."

"What can I do?" Gabriel asked helplessly. "You're right in front of me. I don't see you any differently. I'm staring at the man I fell in love with, the man who put his life on the line to protect me. We fight, we hurt, it's part of being alive. Pain is how we know we are alive."

Bond scoffed and turned away from him. "I came out here to get away from people who want to talk and ask how I'm doing twenty four/seven. Drink your tea, you will struggle to keep warm here."

"Alright, that's enough," Gabriel frowned. "Go lay on the bed and wait for me."

Bond scowled at that and narrowed his eyes. "No, I'm really not in the mood for this..."

"It wasn't a question. GO," Gabriel commanded.

James looked at him hard, his gaze dangerous... Then he turned and instead of going to the bedroom, paused by the front door to get the snow jacket on and then was outside. The door slammed shut.

Gabriel went to sit in the bedroom and wait. He built up the fire, and laid out a blindfold, an ipod, and cuffs on the table next to the bed. James would come back, either calmer, or drunk.

When he did return that evening, he wasn’t drunk although he had a drink. Just one it seemed. He came back in, kicked the boots off and built up the fire. He went into the kitchen and dumped the groceries. Food. Warming, winter foods.

Gabriel sat reading on the bed. He was aware that James had returned, but he needed him to work his way to him in his own good time. He flipped through the book, distracted. He needed to stay calm if he could.

Eventually, James did come to the door. "Have you eaten?" He asked quietly.

"No, wasn't hungry," Gabriel gestured to the bed. "Come sit down."

He did so, eyes narrowed, suspicious.

"Why are you fighting me?" he asked softly. "I want what is best for you. Even if that means it’s not me."

James softened slowly, and he looked down at his hands. They twisted, uncomfortable. He didn't respond.

"Do you trust me?" Gabriel asked.

James nodded without hesitation. "Of course."

"Lay down," Gabriel smiled at him.

James did so, his body stiff, rigid with tension.

"Shhh, close your eyes," Gabriel bent and kissed his forehead. He tied a soft silk blindfold around his eyes, and put headphones over his ears, a Beethoven string piece that cut out background noise. Then he cuffed his hands, but left the cuffs unattached. He buckled the collar loosely around James's neck, and settled next to him.

James’s lips parted, and his fingers curled restlessly in the bed, the sheets gathering under his fingertips as he waited. His chest rose and fell at a rapid rate and he blinked under the blindfold, his head turning towards the fire.

Gabriel laid next to him silently, close enough that James knew that he was there. But he didn't touch him, he let him fret for a bit.

He was restless, squirming anxiously. He huffed and sighed, his head rigidly staring ahead.

Gabriel smoothed a hand down his stomach, a gentle touch against the fire warmed skin. He mouthed his way down James's jaw, a brush of lips against his pulse.

Bond's hands jerked sharply, ad if searching for weapon. "Tie me down," James said softly. He was restless.

He laid a finger across Bond's lips to quiet him, and continued to work his way down the stubble on his neck. He hadn't had a chance to to touch his love like this since he had been home, but he wanted something for Bond to focus on. The act of staying still, it would be just enough to keep him from panicking.

Bond groaned and his head threw back into the pillows. His hands moved behind his head, under the pillows to hold onto something and stop himself moving .

Gabriel tapped out _'I have you'_ in Morse code, and lapped at the sweat on his collar bone. _'I love you'_ he tapped against his hip, fingers slipping beneath Bond's clothes.

Bond shivered and squirmed. His hands moved, this time shifting to drip the headboard. He was sighting. Fighting the submission, fighting himself. Fighting to stay in control. 

_'Let go'_ Gabriel tapped against his stomach. He undressed him slowly, running his hands over James's body to soothe him. He pulled James's hands back down to his sides, and kissed each palm.

He whined and pushed his hands away, back up to the headboard. He couldn’t let go… If he let go, then he would fall… He moaned.

 _'Do you trust me?'_ he tapped against the pulse of Bond's wrist. 

James sighed and nodded. “Yes,” he whispered, and tried to relax.

Gabriel undressed him, first the shoes and socks, then the pants and trousers. He took off Bond's shirt, a kiss for each button he unfastened. Then he pulled the covers over both of them, and laid his head on Bond's stomach.

“What are you doing, Gabriel?” he whispered.

He took James's hands in his own and kissed each fingertip. He lapped at the salty taste of the skin on Bond's stomach, a bite on each prominent hip bone. Then he nuzzled at the blond hairs on the thighs, a warm tongue on the treasure trail of his abs.

The agent let out a worried whine when he felt Gabriel on his thigh gently. His hands moved, as if to push Gabriel away.

 _'Do you trust me?'_ Gabriel repeated, a tap of fingers on his thigh.

He nodded, hardly daring to breathe.

 _'You're beautiful,'_ Gabriel tapped with his tongue against James's thigh. 

There were tears now in his eyes, they dropped and were absorbed by the material. He shifted... And realised that he was hard. Painfully so. His cock was hard against his belly.

 _'I love you,'_ Gabriel traced letters onto his skin, as he kissed his way across James's skin. _'You're perfect to me,'_ he tapped against the bone of Bond's hip.

He shook his head, and he couldn't... Realised that he was sobbing. He was shaking, almost violently.

 _’Perfect,'_ Gabriel insisted with a tap of his fingers. _'My love,'_ he nuzzled against Bond's stomach, and brought Bond's fingers to his hair. 

"Skyfall," he whispered, shaking his head, pushing the blindfold off. "Skyfall... I'm sorry... I can't..."


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey," Gabriel sat up quickly and took him in his arms. He rocked James close against him, he could feel him trembling even with the warmth of the fire. "My love, sweetheart, I'm here." 

He howled like a wounded animal, gripping Gabriel, holding onto him.

"Not letting you go, I promise," Gabriel clutched him. He knew there would be bruises on his arms the next day, but he couldn't be arsed to care. He needed James to know he wasn't leaving, wasn't going to leave him alone, just because some scars wouldn't heal. "I'm going to be right here holding you," he promised.

"I need... I need you to hurt me, baby... I can't stand my own head any more... Please, sir..."

"What do you need?" he asked, tilting James's face so he could see his eyes.

"I need you to hurt me, baby... Please..."

"Ok," Gabriel pulled off the blindfold. "Wait a minute for me?" He went to the kitchen, and came back with the sharpest knife he could find. He wiped James's skin with an alcohol wipe he found in the first aid kit, and ran the tip of the blade across his palm.

Bond moaned and shuddered, curling up.

"Look at me," Gabriel said softly. He slid the point of the knife parallel to the first, and dipped his fingers into the blood welling up. He held up the fingers. "Do you see? You're alive."

"I don't feel like it..." James whispered. "I... It’s not even numb... After the rape, I was empty... This is just screaming, hurting... Constant."

"Look at this!" Gabriel ordered. "Do you see this? We are still bleeding, we are still breathing. We are alive. Bolivar doesn't get to win." He scratched his nails down James's chest, leaving deep welts. "Do you feel that? You aren't allowed to die on me!"

James lunged suddenly, closing the distance between them and pinning Gabriel to the wall - the momentum carried them across the room. Bond slammed him into it, and kissed him savagely, hovering on the right edge of violence. Naked, hard and hurting, Bond tore at his clothes.

"Yes, please," Gabriel was groaning under him. "Feel me," there was blood smeared across his arms from Bond, and he was gripping his lover by the skin. "We're alive, do you hear me? We are still alive!"

Bond pushed his hands up under Gabriel's shirt, ripping it open in one motion and then he was on his knees, kissing down his chest desperately,

"You don't get to give up," Gabriel was crying now, tears running down his cheeks in rivets. "You don't get to decide that. We're in this together, and I need you, please."

Bond was in tears too and he knew that this was a fight that he couldn't win... Alone, at least. James needed it, needed him to take command of a life that was spiralling. Something in him shivered and he sank back on to his haunches, hands behind his back... And went still. The perfect submission, the sweetest submission because he needed to kneel, he needed to be calm before he snapped.

"My pet," Gabriel praised. "You're wonderful, love." He kissed the trail of tears down James's cheek. "My beautiful love." He stroked his hand through James's hair, and pulled the man towards him for a scorching kiss. "I'm not going to let you go, I have you," he couldn't remember who he was reassuring, because there were tears in his own eyes still. 

James head tilted into his hand, funding the primal comfort, the touch, so much easier than words to deal with. His lips parted, accepting the kiss and kissing back.

Gabriel attacked his mouth viciously. "Need you, please," he rasped. "Need to be inside you, please."

James nodded, gripping his forearms with bloody palms. "However you want me, sir."

"Come lay on the bed with me?" Gabriel pulled him up, and stopped for a second. He caught those brilliant blue eyes, clouds lifted for a moment to let him see the man he fell in love with.

James could barely stand, he was fracturing. Half of him here, half of him back with Bolivar. He whined desperately, his knees buckling, as he pulled Gabriel with him, fingers running over him, reminding himself that he was there.

"My beautiful love," Gabriel placed James's hands on his heart, so James could feel that he was real, it wasn't a figment of his tortured mind. "I love you, I'm here." He caught James in his arms and held him, as close as he could. "He can't hurt you anymore. Never again. I made sure."

James moaned softly and pressed into him, knowing and hating himself for falling, breaking, slowly being torn apart. "Please take me, sir," he was begging, his voice quivering.

"You already are," Gabriel smiled at him. "How about if I make love to you, and put you back together? You're hurting, and you feel broken already."

James nodded. He was hurting... He was hurting so bad that where the pain ended a s he began, he did not know. He could only paw at him, as if he could not be close enough. Gabriel had him. Submissive and pliable, he could only hold on.

"Do you know what I thought about, the first time I saw you?" Gabriel helped him up, and led him to the bed. "I thought about all those stories that I heard. James Bond, the ladies' man, James Bond, never found the mark he couldn't seduce. Couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about. And then you spoke for me, you told Mallory why I let Silva in. And I thought maybe those stories about you sweeping in like a hero to save the day... I thought maybe you might notice me. And then I found out you were human, and stubborn. God were you stubborn." Gabriel grinned at him. "All Scotch, and anger, mister 'I don't submit'."

"I don't submit," Bond crooked, voice hoarse from the rolling, burning emotions. "It's not submitting to you, Sir... It's letting go..."

"But you didn't know that," Gabriel reminded. "You thought I was going to tie you up and beat you senseless, and that I would find it hot. You both had a lot of ideas about each other. I needed someone to care for, and you needed someone to come home to."

James nodded. He remembered it well, and in a strange way, it was like he had come a full circle. He curled, head in Gabriel's lap, naked apart from the collar and cuffs. He shivered, fingers moving restless.

Gabriel tucked the blankets around them and pulled James close. He ran his hands down the cold skin, trying to stave off the shivers. "Do you need some tea?" He fretted a bit over James, still trying to find something he could physically do to make it better. He laid out the lube on the duvet and added another blanket from the foot of the bed.

James nodded. Why was he so cold. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "And food... I chopped up everything for stew... It just needs putting on..."

"Will you come sit with me?" Gabriel picked him up gently. He had lost too much weight, if it was that easy to lift him. "Don't drop on me yet, love. Tell me a story I don't know yet about you." He brought him to the kitchen and turned on the oven, opening the door. It heated the room quickly, and he added the ingredients for stew to a pot. He started a kettle for tea as well, and put extra sugar for both of them. It would do them some good, and James needed food.

James followed him in a large, fluffy bathrobe and then sat to carefully cut slices of thick, crusty bread. "I... Don't know. You have read all my files, you know all that..."

"A story about you," Gabriel put down the tea on the table and bent to kiss him. "That'll wait for a while, the stew has to cook. Shall I make you some toast though?"

"No, I can wait, Sir," he flinched at the touch but didn't withdrew.

"You need to eat a good meal later then, no fussing," Gabriel sat next to him and sipped his own tea with a grateful sigh. "You weren't kidding about the cold. You ready to go back to bed?"

"I will eat what I can," he agreed and then nodded. "You get used to the cold..."

"No," Gabriel shivered. "Let's go to bed, love, please?" He smiled sweetly, and pulled James after him. "I want to hear you call me Sir again."

James smiled weakly and nodded. "Nothing hard about that, Sir," he pulled away to snatch his mug.

Gabriel pulled him into his arms. "Are you ready for sex? Or do you just want to be held?"

"Just held, please..." He said softly.

"Of course," Gabriel led him back to the bedroom. He deposited their mugs of tea on the nightstand, and curled up protectively around James in the bed, a nest of duvets and pillows protecting them from the cold.

Bond yawned and curled into Gabriel and promptly fell asleep.

Gabriel let him doze, and closed his own eyes. When he opened them again, the sun was low in the sky, and the fire was down to embers. He moved closer to his lover, content to let the outside world wait a while longer.

James was on his back, the bedside light on. One arm around Gabriel, the other holding a book, turning it slowly. His grip on his lover tightened gently.

"Hey love," Gabriel smiled at him sleepily. "Were you able to rest? I haven't seen you read in awhile."

"A little, Sir," he said, deftly turning the corner of the page with one hand.

"What book is it, pet?" Gabriel studied him in the golden light of late afternoon. It reminded him of the cafe, the vision of his lover. Gabriel ran his fingers through the soft hair and hummed an old song.

He turned it so that the cover was towards him. It was the book that Gabriel had suggested, what felt like an age ago. "I don't think I have read fiction before..."

"Oh," Gabriel smiled. "You remembered. How are you liking it?" He curled up on Bond's shoulder.

He nodded thoughtfully. "I like it..." He said softly.

"I glad you like it. The food smells good, whenever you want some," he was still watching Bond with a small smile.

Bond hummed and folded the corner of the book and then set or down. He pulled Gabriel to him. "I am so sorry for safe wording..." 

"You don't EVER have to be sorry for that, do you hear?" Gabriel held him tight. "My job is to push you, and yours is to know when it’s too much."

"I was emotionally a mess... I am trying to hold it together... I panicked because I don't think I can hold it together... And I don't want to face that, baby... Because I have no idea what will be left…”

"You don't have to hold it all together alone. That's why I'm here. And if it all falls apart, we will figure it out."

James pressed his face into Gabriel's neck. " What have I done to deserve someone as loving as you?"

"You? What have I done?" He sighed against James's hair. "Can we just stay here?"

"We could... But I'm hungry... So we have to move a little bit..."

"Okay," Gabriel sighed. "Fine, I will feed you," he teased.

James smiled lazily, and his fingers lightly touched the leather around his throat, as if reminding himself that it was there. "Fine... I can deal with that..."

"You look stunning," Gabriel stole a kiss and wrapped himself in a cardigan. He went as quickly as he could, it was cold. He toasted bread and made tea, and filled bowls of stew. By the time he made it back to the room, his skin had goosebumps.

Bond was out of bed and had the fire roaring, filling the room with heat and light, counteracting the blizzard that had taken hold outside. When Gabriel came in with the stuff, he sunk to his knees, hands folded in his lap as he waited.

"Hey handsome," Gabriel sat down in front of him. He touched the collar and smiled. "You ready for some food?" He fed him carefully, blowing on the spoonful of stew to make sure it wasn't too hot.

The gentle touch of the collar made him jump and he recoiled before seeming to catch himself. He didn't speak - was he allowed to speak? Just ate each mouthful slowly.

"How is it?" Gabriel found himself getting lost in those blue eyes again, and bent to kiss the tag on James's collar. "What would you like to do for the evening?" 

James felt the kiss on the collar and something inside him... Snapped. He jerked as if he could feel the mental withdrawal. He curled slowly, curling, silent, staring into the distance with a shell shocked gaze.

"Look at me, JAMES," Gabriel commanded. "JAMES." He pulled his lover into his arms, trying to get him to respond.

James did not respond. He could not, it was obvious by the vacant gaze. It wasn't like in the hospital where he didn't want to face it... He had warned Gabriel, warned him that he was losing this fight. He became empty, and it was almost possible to see every last mental wall crashing down inside him. Something in James Bond died forever that night.

Gabriel wrapped him up in a blanket and pulled him onto his lap. He grabbed his own book and read it out loud. Even if James couldn't respond, he hoped that the sound of his voice was enough to draw his lover back to him.

It wasn't, not this time. Something in him was still aware... The way he clung to Gabriel... A frightened child. After a few hours, he seemed to drift off into a light but troubled sleep. Gabriel had wanted a submissive. Bond failed this fight, and there was nothing left except a shell, obedient to a fault.

Gabriel added wood to the fire, and kept him warm. He made sure he visited the bathroom and drank water. He finally pulled out his phone and called Adelaide, who advised him to try to shock James out of it. He tried ice on James's wrists, and a sniff of muscle rub to try to shock his senses.

The ice on his wrists made him jerk away, frowning and he shifted, restless but there was nothing. There was nothing for three days. No words, barely any eye contact... Sleeping and staring into space when awake. It was three days until James was dosing and Gabriel tried to carefully slip the collar away from him. He woke and his hand caught the material as it slipped away. Reflexes, as fast as lightning, he caught it. "No," he croaked.

"Are you sure?" Gabriel asked quietly. "I want you aware, and this may not be what's best for you right now."

James blinked at him. Confusion and worry and a deep seated unease shone through that dead gaze. "Sir?" He said, as if needing more explanation. His knuckles were white, gripping the collar... A lifeline.

"I'm here love," Gabriel took James's hands in his own and rubbed the white knuckles. "Can you stand up for me? We can have a bath."

It seemed clumsy as James got out of the bed. He wobbled a little and frowned down at himself. He didn't remember putting on shorts... "Cold..." He said after a moment's.hesitation."

"You haven't moved around much," Gabriel frowned. "Let me put more wood on the fire." He built it up and led James to the bathroom.. He put the water as hot as he could stand, and helped James into the tub on his lap. He was still shivering, but at least his skin wasn't cold to the touch any longer. "If you can eat later, it might help. It's been several days."

Slowly, James leaned against him, his head tilting back until it was resting in Gabriel's shoulder. "If you want, Sir..." He whispered, eyes closing. He still gripped the collar.

"I'm not going to take it away," Gabriel said softly. "It’s the only thing holding you together, isn't it?" He held James tight, worn out. He hadn't slept much, worrying that James might disappear into the blizzard if he closed his eyes for too long.

"You took it off..." There was something faintly accusing in that tone.

"I was trying to, I was worried," Gabriel admitted. "You scared me baby. I didn't know what to do. Nothing was working, and I didn't know how to get you to respond. It was more frightening than you being angry."

He didn't respond, but his grip tightened on the material. There was something rigid in him, even though he seemed relaxed. Off balance, almost. "Sorry, Sir..." He said eventually.

"You don't have to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong," he assured James. "Can you look at me and tell me what's going through your head though?"

James obeyed as if it was an order, and twisted to look at him. After a while though, he responded. "Nothing..." He whispered.

"What do you need?" Gabriel asked thoughtfully. "Pain? Food?"

James shrugged and curled into his chest, pressing his face into Gabriel's flesh.

"Alright, in Spanish, we have a word. Tesoro, it means treasure. To find the treasure, sometimes we have to search for it. And I have to find a way into your mind, through the scars. I know you are still in there, and I am going to get you out. Do you understand me, Tesoro?"


	8. Chapter 8

He swallowed, Adam’s Apple bobbing lightly as he did. He nodded slowly.

"Go get the whip from my bag, and stand against the wall," Gabriel ordered.

He climbed out the bath, at the order and did exactly that, bringing out the whip and kneeling again to hand it to his master. He shivered lightly with anticipation and fear... And cold. It was like he couldn't feel warmth. Outside, the wind howled.

Gabriel laid out a towel, and gestured for him to kneel it. When James was settled, he got out of the tub and snapped the whip sharply against the tiles. The dragon tail whip was made out of buffalo skin, the strap thick and firm. When James relaxed, he let the leather lick against his shoulder blades with a sharp thwack.

He jerked at the motion, the sharp pain sucking his breath away. He shuddered and his head bowed forwards, eyes closed.

"Tesoro, I'm going to find you and bring you back," Gabriel hit the other shoulder blade with an equal crack. He alternated up and down Bond's spine, leaving him with a set of matching welts on each side of his spine. Then he switched to his bare hands, and rained down blows on James's back.

James was silent through the blows, apart from every stroke of the whip made him whimper. He hadn't been told he could make noises... He tried to muffle them... Then his hands. He cried out softly, pressing his hands into the tiles.

"James, look at me," Gabriel commanded. "What did I tell you, on the mission that time, Tesoro?"

"To come home, Sir," he whispered, turning his head to meet Gabriel's gaze.

"Good," Gabriel praised. "Can you do that for me, love?"

He swallowed, and shook his head. "It... Hurts..." He whispered, but he felt himself filling out almost, feeling his body and feeling the rawness on his back. But that wasn't what hurt. It was the memories that made him sick, the horror of pain that made him want to die and the fact that afterwards... He was less than a man.

"I know it hurts, but I need you to come home to me. That's an order, Tesoro. Come back to me, in as many pieces as you need to. Just come back."

He didn't cry. He had nothing left, and it felt like hours but he slowly turned into Gabriel, and pressed his forehead against his shoulder.

"That's my good boy," Gabriel held him. "My beautiful Tesoro. Do you need more?"

It was like gathering shards of himself. He was grasping at awareness with slippery, shaking fingers - it threatened to slide out of his grip. He nodded.

"More pain?" Gabriel led him to the bedroom, in front of the warm fire. "More with the knife?"

Shaking knees gave and he sunk to the floor, grateful for its embrace. "Yes..." He whispered shivering.

Gabriel was hoping it wouldn't come to this. But pain seemed to be making him respond more than anything else. He wiped the knife off with disinfectant, and sliced across James's thigh. 

He hissed and closed his eyes. The taught skin split and his lips parted. He panted through it and his cock twitched with interest. With that slice came understanding. "Gabriel," he groaned in need that was so deep.

Gabriel cut a line across the other thigh as well. He reached for the lube and slicked his hand enough to grip both of them. A bit of friction, but just enough to provide the bit of stimulation needed.

That cut brought memory. It hurt. Memory of that touch, so sweet in comparison to Bolivar. He moaned into Gabriel's neck, nuzzling. Desperate.

"What , Tesoro? What do you need to feel good, my treasure?" He let James fuck his fist... Making him relax .

He was hard now, hard and bleeding. He rocked and fucked into his fist, breathing in the scent. The sweet sweet smell. "I don't know..."

Gabriel bent and lapped at the blood, dragging his tongue against the cuts. The smell of blood was making him heady, a little frantic. He sucked at the head of James's penis, and licked at the scars on his balls.

James howled as the tongue flicked over his damaged testicle sack. He pulled him up and kissed him, barely able to stand the touch.

Gabriel felt the desperation in the kiss and held on to his lover. "Let me, Tesoro, I want to taste you. It's been too long." He was insistent, laying James down to mouth at him again. "I want to."

"Yes, STAY STILL," Gabriel ordered. "SO good baby, you taste so good," He was rutting against the blankets while he sucked him.

Bond groaned and tugged at the sheets, one of the blankets hard... And he came. He came hard, sobbing, in a thousand fractured shards... But he had followed the command. He came home, in peace... But he was home.

Bond groaned and tugged at the sheets, one of the blankets hard... And he came. He came hard, sobbing, in a thousand fractured shards... But he had followed the command. He came home, in peace... But he was home.

It took a while until the sobs broke into hiccups... And then silence. His hand moved, and pulled the collar off... "Gabriel... I'm bleeding..." He muttered, already falling asleep.

Gabriel cleaned the cuts, and bandaged them. He buckled the collar around Bond's wrist and curled up protectively around his lover. He finally let himself fall into sleep, holding onto Bond tight.

He was barely aware of the young man cleaning him. He was already asleep, deep, cathartic sleep, and he did not rouse until very late the next day. "Gabriel?" He called loudly, seeing he wasn't in the room.

"I'm here," Gabriel emerged from the kitchen, mug of tea in hand. "Hey, handsome," he kissed at James's lips.

He returned the kiss and sneezed violently. "I feel all blocked up... And like I have been drunk for a few days..."

"I hope you aren't getting sick," Gabriel felt his forehead. "I think it might just be the tears though love. And you had a really bad drop. You're going to need to go easy on yourself and recover."

"I don't really remember..." He confessed after a moment’s thought. "Although a shower would be a good start... I feel dried out and sticky..."

"Sound good," Gabriel tugged on the collar around his wrist. "Then I want you to try and eat something." He turned on the water, and brought him a glass of cool water. He peeled the bandages off of Bond's legs. The cuts had scabbed nicely, no redness.

James gulped down the water and began to wash vigorously, scrubbing his hair and then the rest of him slowly, gingerly.

Gabriel got in with him, steadying hands on his hips. He nuzzled at James's neck, and the wet hairs. He was relieved to be holding a coherent lover again. He sighed contentedly and breathed him in.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, lifting Gabriel's hand to kiss the back of it lightly, before letting it come to rest on his chest.

"I'm better now, I was worried," he admitted. "I love you, and I was scared."

James lifted the other hand to rest on his chest too. "I am sorry for frightening you, baby," he said gently and his fingers brushed over his jaw. "But I came back... In pieces... But I came back..."

"I know you did," Gabriel held on to him. "Thank you for coming back to me. I don't know what I would have done. You really are the best thing that's happened to me."

James smiled and pressed his face into his shoulder, a needy gesture. "I love you so much..."

"And I love you," Gabriel sighed. "I want you, when you're ready. I need you. I'm craving you inside me," he nuzzled at James.

"I can't stand my balls being touched right now..." He said softly. "I just can't...'

"It doesn't have to be today," Gabriel nodded. “I just need you to know that I still want you.”

"I tried to stop him..." Bonds voice became distant as he remembered and he talked, he opened up. "I kicked and I screamed... I had already been beaten, but they stopped before I got killed... But I fought. He tied me down to a bed, I damn near broke the bed... This was after they cut the finger off... I remember him cutting my clothes off... He was trying to provoke me... I spat in his face..."

"It wasn't your fault, I wish I could have stopped it," Gabriel whispered. "I tried everything, even after they sent us the finger. There were no prints, no hint. I would have traded places with you in a second, Alec had to stop me, when he finally messaged us."

Bond wasn't hearing him though, his gaze was vacant, starring far into the distance. The words came and he described what happened. "He knew I was your sub... That I enjoyed it... So he kicked repeatedly... And then he stood on one, steel toe caps..." Bond sounded like he wanted to be sick. "After that... He cut it out... I wanted to bleed to death or at least pass out... But I didn't..."

"You're not my sub," Gabriel said quietly. "You're the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. And you're the bravest person I know. "

Saying the words, speaking the horror out loud. It was like the tension in James gave and he leant his weight against his lover. His shoulders sagged and he stayed that way for a very long time, just holding and being held, feeling the sting of the hot water over his thighs and back. Eventually though, he sighed. "Tea and toast and the fire. Let me read to you?"

"Of course, Tesoro," Gabriel released him reluctantly. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I don't ever want you to think that because you kneel for me, means anyone can hurt you. I love you."

Gabriel turned off the water and gently toweled him dry. He kept his hands on James the whole time, a caress to the cheek, fingers in his hair. He gathered up blankets and brought James into the kitchen while he made them a snack. Then they curled in front of the living room fire.

"It seems like years since we were in the lake district," he mused, lying on James's chest, 

"Speaking of... Go into the front of my suitcase... Front compartment..." In there, he would find the book that Z had given him, recovered, repaired from the fire and the use.

Gabriel opened the suitcase, distracted by the cold. He grabbed the book without glancing at it, until he was curled up again in James's arms. Then he took a closer look. 

"James?" He looked up at his lover, eyes wide with tears.

James shrugged. "It was nothing, baby... You like that book... I had it fixed for you..."

"No, no," Gabriel struggled to find words. "That is the only physical thing I have of sentimental value to me. And the only thing I have of Z. There's nothing you could have done, that I would have loved more."

James smiled a little, shy. "Then in that case. I am glad you like it..."

"Read me something?" he laid on James's shoulder, and bent to brush a kiss against his lover's lips.

James's voice was soothing and sweet. Gabriel kept touching the cover of the book, and smiling up at him, like he wasn't sure if he was real.

James read quietly as they lay together, his voice, his very being seeming soft and rather relaxed. Just calm.

Gabriel luxuriated in the closeness, a rare treat to have James so relaxed. He let the vibration of his lover's reading lull him into sleep.

James stayed beside him until Gabriel was asleep, deeply asleep, before he slid away and went to the kitchen. Tea and pain killers, he went into the front room and stoked the fire. Outside, the sun was high in a bright blue sky.

Gabriel awoke, the beat of James's heart missing. He wandered into the living room sleepily.

James was sitting outside, wrapped up in his coat with one of the blankets around his shoulders. He relaxed, enjoying the quiet as he sipped the coffee - that contained a rather large capsule of whiskey and nibbled the toast slowly.

"You didn't wake me," Gabriel scolded from the doorway. "Do you mind company?"

"You were far too cute to wake up - the kettle has not long boiled. Get a cup?"

"Yeah, let me get shoes," Gabriel pulled on shoes and grabbed a blanket, and poured tea. He smiled at the whisky and added a long pour to his own mug.

He slid onto James's lap and gave him a long kiss, tea and whisky flavoured.

James cupped his head and kissed him softly, his own kiss mixed with coffee and whisky. "I have something else for you..." He said softly. He reached into his pocket…


	9. Chapter 9

And produced a pair of rings, two elegant gold bands. Bond was blushing red.. "I can't decide if this is me asking you to marry me... Or me saying yes…”

"James?" Gabriel stared at him wide eyed. "You said you needed to heal, I wasn't trying to rush you, oh my god, yes!" He let the mug fall into the snow, and straddled James to kiss him. "Oh my god, you utter lunatic, I adore you. Yes!"

He kissed back, hungry and needy, although he pushed Gabriel back from his groin. "I do need to... But this is a promise that I will."

"Love you," Gabriel whispered. "You have as much time as you need, I'm not going anywhere."

With those words, James took his hand and slowly pushed the ring onto his finger and then handed him the second one so Gabriel could put it on his.

Gabriel kissed his finger, and then slid the ring on it. He kissed James's palm and studied the ring against his skin. "Tell me what the inscription is?" He asked.

"Always mine," James said quietly, touching his jaw.

"Are they the same?" He asked, curled on his lover's lap, a ball of glowing energy, one hair away from an emotional bout of tears.

"I haven't had mine engraved..." He kissed his jaw lightly. "That is your job, love."

"OH!" Gabriel shivered at the kiss. "I will have to find something perfect. Baby...?"

“Yeah?” he asked, pulling away to look at him, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders.

"Baby, I want you," he said quietly. "I miss you inside me. I miss that feeling, like you are inside my skin, and my heart beats in time with yours. I wish it didn't hurt you."

Bond looked down at him, and frowned. His head came to rest on Gabriel’s shoulder lightly, and he made himself be calm. “I… I don’t know if I can…” he said slowly. “I am in such a mess…” he sighed and pressed a kiss.

"It's ok, let's not spoil a good moment with pain," Gabriel kissed him sweetly, enjoying the feel of his lover's soft breath. He linked their hands together and looked at the rings side by side, "Mr. Gabriel Bond, sounds very dignified," he giggled.

That made him smile and he rubbed noses with him lightly. “How about I meet you half way… tonight, we will set the mood. Candles, posh dinner, wine… the full romantic works and then go from there… with the sex, I mean?” he said softly. “And I won’t be horrified if you don’t want to take my name…”

"You don't have to, go through all that trouble? I mean, I would love it-" Gabriel blushed. "Shit, I'm rambling. I'm sorry. That would be lovely. I'm enjoying just having you here safe with me. Everything else is a bonus. And I'd really like... I'd really like to be Gabriel Shaw Bond."

He smiled at Gabriel. “I would be honoured if you would take my name…” he said as he cupped his cheek lightly. “And I am enjoying actually being… aware… my memory over the last few days is fuzzy…”

"It is nice to have you here and present," Gabriel nuzzled into the touch. "I could do this, for a very long time, just be with you."

"How does the rest of your life sound?" he asked softly, caressing his hair as he finished his coffee.

"Amazing," Gabriel arched against him. "Forever sounds very good."

Bond kissed him… slowly at first, but as he wrapped his arms around him, it became warmer, hotter, like smouldering coals. “I love you…” he whispered. “Never forget that…”

"And don't you forget it either," Gabriel reminded. "We should go inside baby, I don't want you getting stiff from the cold."

“I may be getting old… but I am not that old yet…” he said with a smirk and gently pushed him away. “But you’re right… as usual…”

"I don't want you to be in pain later, nothing to do with age," Gabriel scolded. "My wrists are already bothering me from the cold. Besides, you need enough energy to seduce me."

"Let's go in though... So teaching you to ski is a no?" He looked a little disappointed at that as he lead his lover in. "Did the whiskey in your tea help?"

"We can try tomorrow, if you bundle me up properly," Gabriel said thoughtfully. "I don't think my duvet is quite adequate. But the whisky was good, makes me all warm and tingly. What shall I make for dinner?"

"I have no appetite, baby..." He said with a grim smile. "I really do not feel much like eating..."

"Alright, I'm going to get some fruit. Meet me inside?" Gabriel asked.  
****  
When James came inside, there was Gabriel, lying naked in front of the fire. There were small pieces of fruit on his torso, waiting to be eaten.

James froze, frowning, but his head was cocked to the side curiously. "Aren't you supposed to be... Y'know, eating the fruit?"

"Or you could..." Gabriel winked at him.

Having not eaten for almost a week, James knew that deep down, he was bone achingly hungry. He knew his body was crying out for sustenance... But he really was not hungry. The idea of food was more and more repugnant, his body rejecting that flow of nourishment. 

"Baby," he rolled his hips. "Come feed it to me.."

Bond let his guard down and dropped to his knees, crawling over to him. He kissed him slowly, and mouthed over his neck to the first bit and lifted it to his mouth.

Gabriel moaned at little at the brush of lips and pulled James closer. The sweet fruit, and the taste of his lover made him sigh.

For the next twenty minutes or so, Bond fed Gabriel, bit by bit, mouthful by mouthful as he worked his way down his body slowly, deliberately ignoring his cock, nipples or anywhere else that was too stimulating.

"Mmm, you are spoiling me," Gabriel stretched. "But you are also a bloody tease, James.

"You said to come feed you," he swiped a rough tongue over his nipple. "You said nothing about anything else," kneeling over him, he kissed him.

"Do you only want to feed me?" He caught James in another kiss.

"And people say my appetite is insatiable," he teased slowly and slid down his body. He looked up at Gabriel, his face the picture of innocence. " And what would you like me to do with this, Sir?"

"Anything... You like," Gabriel bit his lip and tried not to move his hips. He wanted to, but there might be only so much his partner wanted to do.

Bond slid his mouth over the head, slowly taking him into his mouth.

"So good, baby," Gabriel moaned at him, fingers running through his hair.

He hummed and slipped his tongue under the head and started to tease the head slowly.

"Baby, come here," Gabriel loved the feeling, but he wanted James in his arms more.

James hummed his assent and crawled up him slowly, and caught his mouth. “Let me make you come,” he breathed between sweet kisses.

"I will, but I want this," Gabriel arched against him, rubbing wantonly against James's body. He kissed him back and moaned appreciatively. "I need to be close to you. And this is better. I need to feel you."

James let him, but angled his hips away so that Gabriel could not stimulate him… That was too much, he didn’t want to be touched. It still hurt… far too much, but the pain was no longer physical.

"Baby, I want to touch you," Gabriel begged. He rubbed against James's hip, arms around his neck.

James swallowed visibly. “It's still healing…” he said quietly, in a hollow voice that was full of pain that went so beyond what one person should be able to feel. He didn’t want to feel vulnerable… He did not want to hurt any more.

"Oh, love," Gabriel kept James close, kissing him and pressing against him. "It's not just about me having an orgasm. It's important to me that you feel good, that's a huge part of it for me. Is there anything I can do to help?"

He shook his head. “Not really… but let's not talk of such things…” he said, kissing his throat.

Gabriel didn't want to press it enough to make his lover uncomfortable, so he pressed against James, the friction and kisses enough to make him come in a few minutes. "Lay on your stomach for me, love?" he asked.

James did so after a moment's pause, resting his hands in his head after a hesitation, and closed his eyes, waiting.

Gabriel worked his hands over the tense muscles in James's back, and kissed down his spine. He teased at the small of his back, and bit at the dimples playfully. Then he dragged his tongue over the cheeks. "How do you feel about me rimming you?"

“Well… I have heard worse ideas…” James said dubiously but lifted his hips slowly so that Gabriel could pull down his trousers.

"You've heard worse?" Gabriel smiled fondly. "I will try not to be offended, Tesoro." He slid the pants off James and started by rolling James on his side, so he wasn't face down. He handed him a book from the nightstand. "If you start to panic, and can't talk, just let the book fall. I will stop, just like your safeword." He bent to lick at James's thighs, not in any hurry. Lapping at the soft hairs, running his tongue down the crack of James's arse.

James groaned and let his eyes close slowly, and he put the book down. It was within reach – he could grab it if necessary, but he needed to be able to allow himself to let go. His toes curled.

Gabriel stopped immediately and moved to study his face. "Are you still with me?"

"Mmm hmm... Don't stop..." Implored James quietly.

"Do you want to try the stoplight words?" Gabriel checked with him. He bent to lap at the soft hairs on James's thighs contentedly.

He grumbled and arched. "Green... Green at the moment, baby..." He whispered.

"Ok, good job," Gabriel bent to tongue at his arse, sliding his tongue against the opening without pushing. Just a warm brush of contact.

He seemed to relax, closing his eyes and breathing deep. One hand reached back and touched Gabriel's hair lightly, readying himself that he was there.

"Baby," Gabriel sighed against his skin. He allowed himself enough friction against the sheets to get hard again, and slid his tongue into James's hole, moaning at the taste.

Bond responded eagerly, arching back into his tongue. "Please..." He whispered, strain in every muscle in his body.

Gabriel did every trick that he knew that felt good... humming with his tongue inside James, adding a finger, even blowing on him. He let his lover enjoy it, and kept one hand on the small of James's back so he could reassure him, and gauge his breathing if he tensed.

The responses were also slow in coming, but they were where eager, bordering on desperate as he pushed back into each touch.

"Beautiful," Gabriel praised. "Can I touch you?"

He keened his consent, pushing back into the touch, hungry for his touch.

Gabriel kept his tongue inside him, and brushed against his erection with gentle fingers. He didn't do much more than touch, a soft whisper of warm hands while he tasted his lover.

He was driving him into a fever pitch, touches so light and teasing. Bonds mind was fracturing, half present, half back under Bolivar's touch. His hand twisted into Gabriel's hair, and he gripped tightly.

"I'm here, stay with me baby," Gabriel could feel him tensing. He nudged the book back towards James's hand. "Can I keep touching?"

"Yes..." He said breathlessly. He needed it, needed to move on.

Gabriel replaced his tongue with fingers, and bent to lap at James's scar. He locked his other hand through James's, and nuzzled softly at the tender flesh.

He froze at the touch on scar tissue. Like a rabbit in a head light, he was rigid, his heart pounding. The only movement was that of one fist that closed slowly, every joint white with tension.

"Talk to me, James. Who am I, Tesoro?" Gabriel kissed each patch of aching skin. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving you, and protecting you," he vowed.

"Gabriel..." He groaned through whatever pain, physical or not.

"Good," Gabriel brushed the gold band against the head of his erection, his mouth still busy.


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn't submission, it was simple love and when James's eyes locked on Q's, they burned. He tugged him up against him, his mouth meeting his in a hot, fierce kiss. He shifted so Gabriel was on his lap.

Gabriel moaned like he was starving, pressed against James in a tight embrace. "Baby, I love you, love you so much..." He was murmuring at James between kisses.

James was hard under him, painfully so. The way he looked up at him, full of hunger. He wanted him... Wanted him so badly he could barely stand it. He reached for the lube and slicked a finger, before gently, tenderly pressing it into his lover.  
"Mine," the word was a growl, a feral, possessive snarl.

"God yes, please," Gabriel begged. "Want you inside me. Always yours." This side of James always made him feel safe, and loved, the 00 agent who went through fire to protect him.

James kissed him, almost violently as he tugged Gabriel's hips forward and lifted them. "Wrap your legs around me..." His voice was low and and rough.

Gabriel did as he said, his skin on fire. He was panting again James, biting at his lips. He needed... Needed his lover back inside him. Not for himself, but because James needed the confidence that he could.

James shifted onto his knees, so he could support Gabriel and with a slow, pained movement, sunk into his lover. Tight, tight heat and he closed his eyes.

"Ohh, oh please," Gabriel felt like his skin was going to explode, a supernova of sensation that he wanted to last forever. He clutched at James, holding on to his lover for dear life.

James was slow. Not to tease Gabriel... Just to give his mind time to catch up to his body. He kissed him, helplessly lost in sensation.

He watched the storm roll across his lover's eyes, and Gabriel begged. He wanted the face to show wonder, instead of fear. "Will you come for me, prometido, my promised one?"

"Yes..." He whispered, moving with him slowly. "However long it takes..."Whether it's today... Tomorrow - oh - or a year from now... I will..."

Gabriel could feel the tears shining in his own eyes, as he stared at James. He watched the worry lines smooth away into passion, and he arched helplessly into James's touch.

James caught his face in his hands and pressed his forehead against his. He began to rock slowly, movements stronger this time as he pushed Gabriel back into the pillows.

"Tesoro, baby, please," Gabriel begged. "Please take me," he pressed against James, loathe to have air touching his skin anywhere instead of his lover. "I love you, wherever i am, you will always be home." He offered his body up as a refuge, a place to heal.

"Baby... Touch me..." He whispered desperately, gripping him tightly. "Please..." He licked a path down his neck slowly.

"Touch you? Touch you like this?" Gabriel slid a finger into him. "Will you come for me, amor?" He ignored the strain in his shoulder and found James's prostate. He rubbed it with the tip of his finger, in time with James's thrusts inside him.

James curled around him, shaking almost violently with the tension. He came with a harsh scream, his voice hoarse even in these sounds now. He dissolved into a trembling wreck, crying against his shoulder, mind fractured even as he spilled inside the man he loved. He was half present, half trapped back under Bolivar's boot. 

"Love," Gabriel sobbed, his own orgasm grabbing him by surprise. He clutched at him, shaking.

Bond clutched him, dragging his nails as he shook, he closed his eyes and lay back, holding him tightly.

"Baby... Baby," Gabriel peppered his face with kisses between sighs. "My love. My perfect love."

Bond shuddered and curled against him, holding him tightly. The orgasm had shocked him in a way and he was still trying to relax from that. He exhaled slowly, and nodded. "I'm okay..." He whispered.

"You're getting there," Gabriel shivered and pulled the duvet over them. "I decided on your ring inscription, by the way."

James turned his head to look at them. "Oh?" He asked softly.

"I remember reading about your family crest in your file," Gabriel smiled. "Orbis non sufficit, but you are." (The world is not enough, but you are)

"That's..." He swallowed, "That is lovely..."

"Is that ok?" Gabriel looked a bit anxious.

He nodded, touched by Gabriel’s words. “Yes,” he sounded hoarse from emotions that were trapped in his physical body and he shivered.

"Can we... can we stay here after I clean us up?" Gabriel whispered. He was craving the closeness they had been missing. 

He nodded. "Bring tea..." He said, snuggling. " And toast... And let’s just... Talk..."

Gabriel brought back a warm towel and wiped off James lightly. Then he went to the kitchen and made tea and toast, and warmed a bowl of stew to share. 

He curled back next to James, content to have his lover's arm around him.

James pulled him into his arms and fed them both affectionately, and just chatted quietly, talking for hours.

"I wonder how Tesla is doing?" Gabriel asked. "I should message Eve. Anything on the list for when we get home, love? Other than we need to still set up the play room."

"Not that I can think of..." He mused, crunching on toast slowly.

"We don't have a date to be back at MI6, could always do some more travelling," Gabriel mused thoughtfully. He finished the bowl of stew and laid on James's shoulder, his eyes drifting closed. "I'm going to sleep for a bit I think," he mumbled.

"Q... I love you so much..." He pulled Q against his chest and pulled the blankets over them both. "Thank you for loving me...bashing me..."

"I'm always going to be right here to love you," Q said, his breath evening out into sleep.

***   
When he woke up, James was still holding him, but his eyes had drifted closed. He studied him, a pleased smile gracing his own features. He reached for his book that was on the nightstand, and whispered softly to his brother about the man who had asked for his hand.

James was awake when Gabriel started to talk... But stayed quiet.

He told Zee ..."he told me to run. Bolivar ... You know Silva. This was worse. And he sent me for help. He stayed so I would be safe. And then he got caught again. It was worse than what they did to us. I'm trying to be strong while he heals, but sometimes I'm tired... Him being missing was so terrifying. And he fixed the book Z... And read to me." A tear slipped down Gabriel's cheek.

"You can't always be strong for me..." James rolled onto his back and looked up at him. "You taught me that... It's okay to not be strong..."

"I.. Yeah. But if I don't try, I feel like I'm going to fall to little pieces," Gabriel admitted. "That is how I talk to Zee," he added. "There wasn't a body to bury. The book, it is literally the only thing I have left."

"Perhaps we should buy a memorial..." Said Bond thoughtfully. "A bench or something? Somewhere that you can go..."

"Maybe for the garden? Something we can use. I don't want something that's far away and useless. I'd like him to see me happy."

James had never believed in ghosts or spirits or life after death... But he could honour Gabriel's wishes and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. "I am sure we will find what ever is perfect."

"I am too," Gabriel smiled. He snuggled into James and kissed him.

They dozed for a while before Bond slowly rolled over and pulled himself out of bed.

"Baby, where are you going?" Gabriel murmured sleepily. He had his glasses off, so all he saw was Bond's silhouette. His hair was all that was poking out from under the blankets, nested into the pillows.

"Call of nature... Then tea..." He said softly as he left. When he came back in, he had the tea, and snuggled against his partner. "Babe... Sit up, drink some of this...'

Gabriel stretched like a cat, his neck popping . "Can we stay in bed a little longer?" He sat up and stared hungrily at James.

"As long as you like, love," he replied, not seeing the way that the younger man was looking at him.

Gabriel smiled fondly at him and pulled him down on top of him. "You don't want to say good morning properly?"

James hummed lightly and kissed him on the lips. “Good morning properly,” he said and shifted so he was resting on his stomach.

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes, curling against his lover. "When do we have to leave?"

“When we get hungry enough to get up…” he sighed softly. “You okay?” 

"Yeah... just the calm after the storm, the stress leeches out my energy," he relaxed. "Half of me is excited about going back, the other half is dreading it. I'm so tired. I've been fighting and running my whole life. I just want it to be still so I can enjoy being in love. And I know that's too much to ask."

"I have no plans to leave here any time soon, baby..." James said slowly, looking up at him, shifting on to his knees. "What do you need from me?"

"Just to be held," Gabriel leaned his forehead against him. "I feel like it will all crash and burn the minute I admit I am happy. Hold me, please?"

James tugged him into his arms, and pulled him so that he was sitting between his legs. “There…” he said after a moment, wrapping him up in limbs and a blanket. “Better?”

"Much," Gabriel smiled. He arched against James lazily, stretching like a cat. 

Bond smiled and nuzzled into his neck lightly, and pulled him to lean against him.

Gabriel tangled his fingers into the hairs on the back of James's neck. "Tell me about what you like to do in London, when you have downtime from a mission? I usually take a book and a journal and go to a cafe."

That made him shiver and his lips parted in a quiet gasp. The question, however, made him frown. "I Usual drink myself into oblivion, Gabriel... It's never good..."

"Well..." Gabriel frowned. "Time to learn about the finer things in life then, like sushi, and last minute afternoon theatre."

"Sushi... No thanks..." He chuckled lightly and kissed his nose. "I think I may pass on the sushi... The last time I had it... It wasn't pretty..."

"I only eat the vegetable kind," Gabriel admitted with a giggle. "And then I get it with fried rice and dark beer, and sit and people watch. I'm not much of a traditionalist when it comes the raw, smelly things," he frowned.

"Good," he replied and kissed his nose lightly. " Because then I wouldn't be as fond of you as I am..."

Gabriel swatted him fondly and snuggled deeper into the blankets. "Or we can get tapas, and go to the museum. Or do you know what Eve told me?" he laughed. "There is a public tour of Six! Apparently she goes when she is bored. And sneaks up on the civilians."

They made a nest, of sorts around them and curled up together as they talked. "I know... It's quite funny. The secret service has tours... Honestly, it's no wonder Silva got in..."

"I suppose," Gabriel laid on his shoulder. "Although I wasn't much help..." he sighed. "I know everyone understands, but I still feel like I have something to make up for. I failed myself, and that's worse than any speech Mallory can give me."

"Since then you saved me... So many... Many times..." He said softly, nuzzling.

"I do my best. Sometimes I feel like I am one fracture away from falling apart," he admitted. "I am winging it just as much as you are. I only know what I craved, when I was looking for a Dom. Someone to cherish me."

"And instead," James said softly. "You found someone who loves you... Someone who loves you so much that it hurts... I cherish you and I know that you do the same for me. I'm not your sub and your not mine... We are partners. We help and guide each other..." James was thoughtful... He chuckled anxiously. "I am getting sappy in my old age."

"That's beautiful, love," Gabriel sighed. He held James a little tighter. "I'm looking forward to being yours, and loving you, for a very long time."

"Good..." He stroked his hair lightly and kissed his shoulders. He sighed. "I know it's early days... But I will have to give up being a double oh..." He didn't want too. He liked his job, but he was fractured beyond repair.

"You've been willingly putting yourself on the line for a long time," Gabriel said thoughtfully. "I really do think you would make a wonderful trainer. You and Alec are the agents who have remained on active duty the longest in the program, and I think with me in charge of tech... Well I'm hoping we are going to lose a lot less agents now."

“I honestly don’t know if I can…” he muttered. “I know I have you… but without the job, baby, I am lost…” he sounded sad, resigned almost as he pressed into Gabriel, seeking warmth.

"We have a life to build," Gabriel said softly. "I'm sorry love. But there is a selfish part of me that is very glad I won't have to worry whether or not you come home. I love what I do as well. I wouldn't ask you to choose. But it is a relief.”

He sniffed, Perhaps a little annoyed that he was being selfish. In a year or two, maybe he would think about throwing in the towel. “We will see…” he said… trying to avoid an argument and sounding like a brat

"I know," Gabriel sighed. "I wish there was a way to wave my fingers and give it all back to you. But I'm just grateful I didn't lose you altogether. I try to remind myself to be grateful that you aren't just a memory. OH! I forgot to show you something!" He smiled and went to his suitcase.

“What is it?” James sat up to watch him.


	11. Chapter 11

He brought out a jar of caramel, and a paintbrush. Then he went to his computer bag and pulled out a bottle of James's favorite scotch.  
"I thought we could have some fun with this."

James arched an eyebrow and leant back into the bed. "Do please explain..." he purred gently.

Gabriel climbed onto his lap. He opened the bottle and took a mouthful of the Scotch, and leaned in to share a kiss with James, a few drops escaping down and landing on James's chest.

James opened his mouth to the kiss, gasping as the warmth trickled down his throat. He stretched up into the kiss.

Gabriel devoured his mouth, moaning into the kiss and writing on his lap. He dipped the brush into the jar of caramel, and flicked it across James's nipples. This promised to get messy fast, but he couldn't care less. 

James watched him with fascination, his eyes closing as the bristles teased over a sensitive nipple. “Gabe…” he muttered, eyes closing, relaxing into his touch.

"Mmmhmm?" Gabriel licked at the caramel, his tongue cold from the scotch. Then he took another mouthful, and ran the brush across his lips before kissing James again.

James fingers tightened in his hair as he kissed back.

"I see why you like this Scotch," Gabriel bit at him playfully. He dabbed the brush against the hollow of James's throat and sucked a mark on his pulse point.

“It's rather rich… sure you can handle it, Sir?” James purred softly, eyes closed as he writhed against Q. 

"I handle you, don't I?" Gabriel teased. He lapped at the caramel and Scotch dripping down his lover's chest. "I should give you something to do with your mouth, to keep you quiet." He dipped two fingers into the caramel and slipped them into James's mouth.

James latched onto the digits and sucked greedily, licking them as he went, eyes locked on Q’s.

He groaned and rutted against James. "Tell me, tell me what you want?"

James stiffened at the rutting and for a moment, he didn't answer... When he did, it wasn't what he expected. "I want you to tie me down..." He said softly. "The music... And the blindfold... I want to be yours, Sir..." James pressed into his sticky hand.

"Shall we clean up first?" Gabriel smiled at him, the smile that lit his face. He looked utterly besotted, and hopelessly in love. He took a moment to brush his hand against James's cheek, the gold ring warm from his skin.

"Clean up after... I am sure you can think of something to do with the caramel..." He hummed.

Gabriel laughed, delighted. He pinned James's arms to his sides and bit at the caramel on his ribs. He pulled the iPod from the bedside table and chose something with a good bass line, and swayed his hips to it.

"Or a lap dance..." James had sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes on him with a sharp, predatory gaze. "I could go for a lap dance..."

"Could you?" Gabriel grinned. He picked an old club song with a Colombian beat. He dipped his hips and tangled his fingers in his hair. The reflection of the moon in the rivulets of scotch on his chest made it appear sweaty, like he'd been dancing for hours.

James watched him as the music pulsed, and ancient primal rhythm that run through his body. He watched his lover away, ecstasy on his face. He groaned and reached for him.

"Baby," Gabriel groaned against his mouth. "Want you." He twisted against James, his skin hot from desire.

"Take me," James said softly, watching him.

"Take you?" Gabriel slithered down to take James's cock in his mouth. 

Bond arched under him, hands in his hair as they moved together.

"Roll over for me?" Gabriel asked. He slid the ear plugs into James's ears and helped him move. It was a minute to adjust, sticky flesh and caramel and scotch. But he licked a path down his lover's spine, fingers locked together to keep James grounded.

Bond squirmed and rolled over, responding with sighs and little twitches, gripping his hand but he was falling... Feeling. He moaned loudly.

Gabriel kept time with his hips with the music. He found the lube and warmed it on his fingers while he kept the other hand locked with James's. He bent to lap at the sweat and tongued his way lower to tease at his hole.

James gasped and gripped his hands. He curled back. "Baby... I love you..." He whined.

"Love you too," Gabriel mouthed against his skin. "Tell me what you feel like you can handle."

He turned and pressed open mouthed kisses to his neck and throat and jaw. "Don't stop..."

"Yeah?" Gabriel used his fingers to stretch him. "Tell me if it's too much?" He took one of the headphones and matched his fingers and hips to the music.

James shivered under the touch, the pulse of the beet something primal and hot. Fear and lust sung in his veins. He moaned loudly, tears in his eyes.

"I love you. I have you," Gabriel spoke in his ear as he slid into him. It was hot, burning hot, the pulse of James's blood tight around him. He stayed still and waited for him to move, biting at his neck.

He clenched, holding onto him. He laced his fingers with his lovers, closing his eyes... He arched back slowly.

"So lovely," Gabriel sighed. "You're just perfect, James," he squeezed his lover's fingers. He stared at the the rings, next to each other on their fingers, like they had always belonged there.

"Move? Slowly," he twisted - flexible for a man of his age - and caught his lips in a gentle kiss, grounding himself on that mouth.

Gabriel moved slowly, tortuously slow. He kept his lips locked on James's, growling against his lips. 

"Touch me..." He whispered, closing his eyes. He arched against him. "Please... Gabriel... Sir..." There was tears in his eyes.

"Ok love, shhh, no fretting," Gabriel took James's cock in his hand, still slicked with lube. He kept the touch light enough that James wouldn't scare, but firm enough to give him pleasurable friction.

James groaned and arched back to him. His hands wrapped around Gabriel's, kissing his fingers desperately.

"You're safe, I won't let anything happen to you here," Gabriel promised. "You're always going to be safe with me."

"I know..." He whispered. "Please... Need to come sir..."

"So come for me," Gabriel smiled down at him. He snapped his hips and sped up his hand on James's cock.

He made a soft noise... But he couldn't. He couldn't get over the edge. " Please..." He said desperately.

"Look at me," Gabriel's voice was gentle. "I want you to know just how much I love you, every day when you wake up, every night when you close your eyes. Can you do something for me?"

Bond nodded.

"Think about the first time... kneeling in front of the fire..." His voice was husky. "You were stunning. I wanted to kiss the ground. I'd never seen anything so perfect. All I wanted to do was frame that, because I was sure it was a one time thing. Now tell me how it felt." He hit James's prostate, speeding up his movements, and matching his hand.

"Fuck..." He whispered, arching. "It was amazing..." He whispered. "I never thought I would do that..."

"You were gorgeous," Gabriel mused. "I never thought someone would ever kneel for me, or trust me. And there you were..." He placed James's hand under his, on his cock.

"Why shouldn't I trust you?" He whispered through closed eyes.

"All you knew of me was that I was a traitor, even if I had reason," Gabriel said quietly. "And there you were, on your knees, like every fantasy I didn't dare allow myself. Now, can you come for me, precious?"

He was trying. He was working through every calming exercise in his mind, trying to find that mental state. He grasped at it, but it slipped away again.

"You're so fucking hot, all I want to do is stay buried inside you," Gabriel slid his fingers over the head of the head of James's penis, and bit down on the side of his neck, right on the pulse point, as he came.

He growled, frustrated and tired but try as he might, he couldn't let go... He was painfully hard, but he just couldn't. He stilled and be was... Embarrassed.

"Alright, no getting frustrated on me," Gabriel saw the stress in his eyes, and kissed his lover softly. He slipped out of him, and blindfolded him. He took a riding crop out of the bedside table, and brought it down hard on James's thigh.

Bond snarled, getting annoyed at the softness... The... Kindness. His cock thronged, almost purple with tension. The crop snapped and he grunted.

Gabriel noticed his sigh of relief, and brought it down hard against his other thigh. He kept up a relentless pattern with the one-three temp of the drums coming from the headphones.

He closed his eyes and his body rolled with the rhythm. It was the relentless, endless pattern. The pulse of the music in his ear, the sharp sting on raw skin. He came. Hard.

Gabriel didn't stop. He made the crop keep time with the beat, matching his movements as they grew gentler.

The orgasm hit hard and he came with a harsh whine, shuttering as if it hurt more then it felt good.

Gabriel kept their fingers locked together, and timed his breaths to match those of his lover. When the movements of James's chest slowed, he slipped off the blindfold and lowered the volume on the music.

James curled into him. Quiet, tired and a little disheartened. "I will get there... I promise..." He said softly.

"Did you enjoy it?" Gabriel stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

"Yes..." He said softly, curling around him. "Sorry... It's frustrating..."

"I know love," Gabriel tilted his chin to kiss him. "But as long as you liked it, it was good. I'm not trying to force you into a certain reaction. You don't even need to finish if it's too stressful. As long as you enjoy it."

He hummed and gave a small, shy smile. "I love you, baby..." He whispered. "I really do..."

"Not as much as I love you," Gabriel kissed his nose. "And as much as I love you, we aren't going to be happy if they have to come and unglue us because we are stuck together with caramel. How about a shower?"

"I think I may have to..." He chuckled and stood up slowly. "It was fun though...'

"I try to think of ways to keep you from getting bored of me," Gabriel held out his hand and let James pull him up.

James pulled him up and into his grip. "How could I ever get bored of you?" He kissed him slowly. "You're my light."

Gabriel blushed and hid his face. "I just love you," he replied shyly.

"I know... But you're the stars and moon that shine light when I'm lost in the darkness... And eventually... You're the sunrise..."

"You're going to turn me on again," Gabriel warned. "Saying romantic things like that. Making me cry."

James smiled and shrugged. "I am being honest... Take advantage…”

Gabriel led him to the shower and made sure the water was warm enough before he pulled James in against him. "I really do adore you, and I wouldn't trade an inch of you," he whispered. "But you really are turning me on. Brat." He gave a bit of a laugh that was part snuffle from his watery eyes.

“You love it,” James said as he tugged his head upwards and gave a slow, searching kiss, until he had to break away because both their knees shook from the tension.

"Yes, I do," Gabriel grinned. "Can't keep up with you, but I love you. I am ready for some food though, I need to refuel."

“I…” he wasn’t hungry. He knew it was bad, he could feel as he washed himself, how many ribs protruded and how his face seemed more sharply angular.

"I'm not marrying a skeleton," Gabriel teased. "And you need energy to keep me happily shagged. So I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you eat love. What do you think you can tolerate?"

"I really don't want anything much..." He said softly.

"But what could you tolerate?" Gabriel pressed. "You really don't want me giving you protein shakes, has to something better tasting that you can stand."

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know..."

"Can you handle some toast and soup?" Gabriel asked, worried. "I... this is out of my area babe. I can't force you, but you are so skinny."

He didn't say anything, just held on to Gabriel. He didn't want to eat, he had no will to. He was uncomfortable and he had too much restless energy. He wanted to hunt, to kill... But he couldn't. Walking was still an issue.  
"Cheese on toast and tomato soup," he said eventually.

"I can do that," Gabriel kissed his temple, frowning at the pounding blood pressure. He turned off the water and dried James gently. "Make sure the fire is warm and kneel on the bed for me love."  
He made quick work of drying himself, opting for a robe instead of clothes. He shivered and hurried to prepare the snack, missing the sight of anything but snow.

When he got back into the room, the fire was roaring as he had promised. James was kneeling, the cuffs on his wrists and the collar in his hands.

"God you're perfect," Gabriel said reverently. He knelt in front of his lover and buckled the collar around his neck. Then he kissed each of his wrists, and his ring. "I don't deserve you, Tesoro," he whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

"Well, you have me, sir," James said quietly, looking up at him. His was wearing boxers, but he seemed more relaxed, more open. It was like he didn't have to look at himself.

Gabriel fed him small bites of food, rewarding each mouthful with a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Do you want tea, love?"

Each gentle kiss made him smile a little, which grew into a rather large grin by the time he was half way through. "Mmm... Please..."

Gabriel gave him a sip of his tea, and brushed his lips down James's jaw. "Would you like more food, pet?"

He shivered, a delicious movement and watched his younger lover, relaxing in the fact that he did not have to think or worry... He just had to eat and rest and not worry. "Slowly..." He was enjoying the comfort food.

"Baby," Gabriel sighed. "You taste good." He put down the bowl and straddled James's lap, and hooked his cuffed arms around his neck.

"And I am yours," he replied. There was a warmth to him, something gentle in his touch as he draped them around Gabriel.

"I'm not going to let you go, you know," Gabriel grinned, "Husband... to be."

"I know..." He replied. "I trust you... Always trust you, sir..."

"I think I'm ready to be home," Gabriel admitted. "I miss Tesla, and all the snow is making me stir crazy. Or we could just go somewhere warmer for a few days."

James hummed his consent and rested his hands on his hips lightly. "I don't want to go back to London... But maybe somewhere with warm and sun and other people.."

"We could go to Mexico," Gabriel suggested. "I speak Spanish, and it's beautiful this time of year. We can see the Mayan pyramids. I went in college one summer to study at a Spanish language school."

"I've been speaking Spanish since before you were born... Give me an hour with a phone and laptop and I will find us somewhere?"

"Don't think I won't take you over my knee," Gabriel laughed. He un-linked the leather cuffs but left them buckled. "All my tech is in my bag, I will do the dishes."

"Is that a threat, Sir? Or a promise?" He hummed. There was heated look in his gaze that said exactly what he wanted it to be.

"I won't have you behaving badly just to be punished. If you want a reward, you will have to ask for it," Gabriel raised one eyebrow, a clear sign that the game was up.

James nipped at his shoulder gently. "Please sir," his neck was flushed red, through his face was hidden. "Please will you put me over your knee?"

"Since you asked so pretty..." Gabriel nudged at his cheek, trying to see his eyes. "Look at me love. Do you want that right now?"

James was red, but there was no shame. A little embarrassed but he held Gabriel's gaze as he nodded. "Yes please Sir."

Gabriel sat at the foot of the bed. "Come lay across my lap, love, and I want you to count for me." He waited for James to settle, and ran his nails over the cool flesh.

James crawled over him, sighing with that need. Maybe on some level, he was seeking punishment, but the scrape of nails had him squirming. "Gabriel..." He breathed, closing his eyes.

"Breathe for me," Gabriel reminded. He ran his fingers over the skin lightly, and then smacked hard, leaving a bright red hand print in the middle of James's right butt cheek.

"One!" Bond called, jerking with the blow before relaxing. "Thank you, Sir..." His cock stirred with interest.

“Really? Already?" Gabriel teased his nails down James spine before raining down another blow.

"Two. Fuck..." The sound was laced with pleasure and he panted. "It's easier... Than pleasure..." He squirmed, panting those words.

"Why is it easier?" Gabriel rained down two quick blows against his outer thigh and sucked one of James's fingers into his mouth.

"No fucking clue..." He whispered, hard against Gabriel's leg.

"Do you want to come for me, pet?" Gabriel rained down enough blows to leave Bond sticky and lax limbed.

At some point, the ability to speak had melted away… along with worry and pain and everything else that he was feeling. Bond squirmed, and nodded, breathless and hard as a rock, so hard that it hurt.

"Oh baby, you look so good," Gabriel praised. "Can you come for me, lover?" He slid one finger down to tease at James's hole.

It didn’t take much time before he was on the edge, bent over his lovers knee. He squirmed, gasping and panting as he clawed at the bed sheets. He needed contact, he needed… “Gabriel… please…” he begged, so hard that he was losing his mind.

"What baby?" Gabriel rolled him over onto his back and ran his nails down James's inner thighs. He took James in his mouth, rough with a hint of teeth, and swallowed him down.

He came, hard, roaring with pain and pleasure and the frustration that he had to hurt before he was relaxed enough to come, and the flashback that came with the teeth. Bolivar.., Pain... His hips jerked mindlessly as he did, until he sagged back on to the sheets, and threw an arm over his eyes. He shivered and it had nothing to do with the orgasm.

Gabriel felt his shiver and sat up and took him in his arms. He kissed the cold sweat from his cheek, and held on to him tightly.

“Back off…” Bond said. It wasn’t a snap, just a quiet plead as he sat up, rolling away from Gabriel to the other side of the bed. “Just… I need a moment…” 

"Ok baby." Gabriel kissed his shoulder and took the dishes to the kitchen to soak. He came back and laid on the foot of the bed, Z's book in his hand.

He had relaxed when Gabriel came back in, and was rolling the tension from his shoulders and neck. Slow, easy movements… He came over and curled against Gabriel’s side, letting himself doze.

Gabriel covered him with the quilt, and kissed him. He sat and read, mouthing the lines he had long since memorized, until he started to doze himself. He put it safe on the nightstand, and wrapped James in his arms.

"Love you, baby..." He said after a moment, still half asleep. "Always have done..." 

"Always?" Gabriel looked at him thoughtfully.

James nodded and snuggled up, asleep within a few deep breaths.

Gabriel held him tight and drifted off as well. He awoke the next morning when James stretched, trying to rearrange his stiff limbs.

There was a note.  
 _Gone for a walk, and to get some milk. Promise not to get kidnapped. Check the hotel on the laptop, it's reserved for us. J_

Gabriel checked the laptop, gasping at the hotel. It was beautiful, romantic and homey. The landscape was beautiful, green and sunny.

"Like it?" James asked as he came in, stomping snow off his boot. He was rosy checked and flushed from the cold.

"Yes, I'm excited to show you the Mayan pyramids," Gabriel smiled. "I had a lot of fun exploring the haunted sites. I haven't been back since that summer abroad, I wonder how it's changed?" He stretched under the blanket. "It will be nice to feel my toes again," he added ruefully.

"It's not that cold, darling. Try being outside in the snow with a sore ass, that feels the chill," he smirked as he kicked free the shoes.

"You asked!" Gabriel protested in horror, before seeing his look. "Don't scare me like that!" he scolded, dusting the snow off of James's shoulders. He wrapped him in his arms with a demanding kiss.

He chuckled and kissed him back. "I enjoyed it."

"And I'm going to enjoy being somewhere that we don't need fires and coats. somewhere we can sleep under the stars."

"You can sleep outside here with enough layers... But I've enjoyed the isolation. Just me and you. No doctors, no nurses... No psych!"

Gabriel laughed. "They aren't my favorite either. Adelaide has been very helpful, but the rest of them can jump off a bridge. But there's no psych department in Mexico. Just good food and homemade alcohol."

"If you say so," Bond mused, looking over at him. "She is better then some... But it's people looking and judging... Just drives me insane..."

"I don't think they are judging, they are uncomfortable seeing you hurting, and then they feel guilty for being relieved it's not them. We work with good people, love. They aren't there to mock you."

“Then they suggest repeated bad ways to try and make me feel better and none of them have yet succeeded,” James said dryly.

"Jim did email me and offer to cook for a housewarming party. And you all owe me a pub crawl," Gabriel teased. "Alec's idea of whoring was just Alec love, forever in bad taste."

“Still hurts…” James confessed after a moment's sulking. “But I guess you are right… still… he is an idiot…” James flopped beside him, put his head in his lap and threw an arm over his face in mock drama.

"I don't even want to hear it, you and him have been best friends forever!" Gabriel scolded. "He is this bad because you encourage him."

“Of course I do, and he does the same for me,” James said, with a slow grin on his lips. “We can’t help ourselves…” 

"Well then no complaining when he behaves badly! You have created a monster, and I have no sympathy," he laughed. "Although he does need someone. He's been alone too long."

“He doesn’t want anyone… and you created me, so you have no room for talk!”

"You were incorrigible long before you met me," Gabriel retorted with a giggle. "We can always go back to the discussion of how another Dom would beat you black and blue!"

"Darling... I plan to never find out..." He said and tugged him close, wrestling him down to kiss him.

"Good, I hope not," Gabriel said fervently, safely wrapped in his arms. "I wouldn't give you up for anything. Although you and Alec as a package deal, it was a close call," he teased.

Looking down at him, James found himself smiling at that thought. "I am just trying to picture Alec submitting... It's not going well..."

"Oh god no, he would make a saint swear," Gabriel laughed. "Maybe a good Dom if he was willing to channel that energy properly instead of wreaking havoc."

"You should teach him," James said after a moment, rubbing his nose along the length of Gabriel's lightly

"Me?" Gabriel shook his head. "I just know what I wanted from a Dom. Everyone has their own style. You could probably explain it better to him than I can. He doesn't seem to understand when I talk about it, it's not a power trip."

"I know what you are to me..." He said after a moment.

"How do you see it?" Gabriel pulled him down onto the couch with him.

"You're my safe space. I can be myself... I don't have to pretend around you."

"That's beautiful," Gabriel laid on his shoulder. "I can see Alec being that for someone, and needing it as well. He might be more of a switch though."

"What is it too you?"

"It's me being able to love, and care,": Gabriel said slowly. "I can wear my heart on my sleeve, and it's safe. I can put all my affection and energy and adoration into you, and know you aren't going to throw it back into my face. I'm safe to feel for you, because it's more than just the messy emotions and turmoil that I think of in regular relationships. Its absolute. I don't question for a second whether you have my best interests in mind, because I have seen you sacrifice yourself to save me, more than once."

James stared at him and a blush rose in his cheeks. He pressed his face against his neck and there was a grin, uneasy as he felt, it was small and delighted.

"I love you," Gabriel kissed his cheek softly. "I won't give you up. Not after everything you've done, been so selfless, to make sure I'm safe. But I still don't feel worthy of you."

"I don't know what to say..." He was grinning like an idiot.

"Say you'll marry me again?" Gabriel asked shyly. "I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing that. And you can teach me to dance. Can we go Salsa dancing in Mexico?" he pleaded, expressive eyes lighting up with normally hidden passion.

"We can," he said, and stole a slow, gentle kiss. It was slow at first, but it became molten, hot and rolling. James found himself settling between his lover's legs. "And I am going to marry you... And I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you... You are the best thing to come home to."

"Yes please," Gabriel grinned helplessly. "I'm horribly selfish, I'm glad I don't have to send you out to seduce anyone again. I know it's just a job. But I hate it. They put their hands on you and don't appreciate you, and you're mine!" He pushed up against James with a frantic, possessive kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

James pushed him back into the bed firmly, following with his mouth. "Shh... Babe..." He said in a slow, lazy voice. "I've got you..."

"Please?" Gabriel begged, following James's mouth like he was starving.

"Shh..." He ground against him, twisting a little to tug his belt free.

Gabriel tugged at his shirt, gasping against him. He couldn't get his lover's skin against his fast enough, and he was craving being pressed against him so badly.

Bond kissed him feverishly, pulling his shirt over her head.

Gabriel was torn between wanting his clothes off, and not wanting to let him go. He settled for running his hands over Bond's naked chest while he stripped off the rest of his clothes.

"I want to make love to you...' He whispered.

"Oh yes, please," Gabriel wrapped his legs around James's waist. "It's been too long, I want you inside me."

“Shh love,” James whispered and started a slow, lazy path down him with his mouth. Slow, gentle, almost worshiping kisses and touches, James sucked a nipple into his mouth and lavished attention with his fingers on the other one.

He moaned helplessly, already eager. The warm press of James's lips was a sharp contrast to the cool air, and he was already hard.

He kissed south, nuzzling over the scattering of downy hair, down to his belly. His tongue dipped into the belly button.

Gabriel bucked against him, a warm pleading mewl escaping his lips. He was savouring the feeling of his lover's mouth, and the gentle touch he had been missing, especially after their sweet definitions of their relationship.

Bond placed a hand on his hips and pushed down as he slid down him, mouthing at his balls. He parted his legs, with a firm swat and buried his face in his ass, licking gently.

He keened, pushing back against James's warm tongue. It was too much, and not enough, the wet slurp sounded obscene but felt exquisite.

James shifted, pushing him back into the pillows. He was gentle, slow, licking and teasing him, with a gentle scrape of his teeth.

"Bloody tease," he protested halfheartedly, tugging on James's hair. He wanted him badly, but wanted to kiss him more. "C'mere, want to kiss you, please?"

“I am just watching you open for me… so tight and warm…” a hand came out the covers. “Lube please…” 

Gabriel flung it at his head with a growl of "hurry up". He squirmed against James's fingers impatiently.

That made him laugh… and he slicked his fingers. “No… I am enjoying this…”

"Baby..." Gabriel murmured, a pleading tone in his voice. The cool sheets against his over sensitized skin left him with a shiver of goosebumps. He was pleading for a bit of relief from the burning arousal coursing through him, but at that same time was craving the closeness of his lover inside him.

"Yes dear?" Two fingers slipped inside him gently, as he mouthed as he mouthed at his balls, sucking the tender sacks.

"I don't want to come without you inside me," Gabriel begged. "Please, sweetheart?"

"I need you stretched more, babe... Or I will hurt you..." He hummed. "Besides... You're far too coherent still..."

"Coherent?" Gabriel protested. "No! I just want you. Want you now."

James dragged a finger over his prostate gently and Gabriel shivered beneath the onslaught of his soft fingers. 

Bond fingered until Gabriel was open and relaxed, playable against his fingers before he crawled up him to catch him in a searing kiss.

"Yes, stay here for a minute? Want your mouth," Gabriel begged. He let James plunder his mouth, holding on to him like a lifeline.

"Lift your hips for me," James whispered. "Wrap your legs around me..."

Gabriel sighed against his lips, eager to get James closer. He pulled James to him with his legs, not letting his lips go.

James guided their bodies together effortlessly and laid Gabriel back, spreading his weight over him.

He settled into the soft bed, his lover a delicious pressure that kept him grounded and aware.

He moved, a slow, easy movement, leaning on one arm so that he could hold Gabriel against him. He rolled his lips slowly.

Gabriel sighed with contentment, pulling James so close that he could feel his heartbeat against his own skin. 

"I love you... I love you... So much..." He is whispered, rocking him gently.

"Love you," Gabriel clutched him close. "I don't ever want to wake up again and have to wonder if you are safe. Now, inside me, please?" He begged.

He grinned. "Yes, Sir," he whispered and pushed inside him slowly.

Gabriel shivered, and it took him a moment to realize that his vision was cloudy because of tears escaping his eyes. He was laughing, crying, pulling James inside him and kissing him like he was spun gold.

James smiled back and kissed each tear away slowly, nuzzling

"Don't let me go, please?" Gabriel begged. "I need you to not give up, because I can't do it without you."

"I am never letting you go..." He whispered gently. "Never letting you go..."

Gabriel hung on to him for dear life, arms locked around James's neck. "Love you too much, I'm selfish."

"Shhh darling..." He whispered. "It's okay..." He moved harder, thrusting deep.

"James," Gabriel bit at his neck, trying to dampen the screams at the sensations running through him. 

"Come, baby," James growled, pushing harder. "Come for me..."

Gabriel nodded, wide eyed, and everything froze in a cold explosion. He gripped at James's arms, trying to not let it end.

James kept moving, pushing him over that abyss... And within five or six thrusts, he was coming too, so hard that it hurt. He groaned and collapsed on top of him, panting.

Gabriel kissed the sweat off of his forehead, unwilling to let him go just yet. He clung to him, and let his breath even out.

James curled beside him. There was something of shock in his stormy eyes. It was the first time that he had come from pleasure in... So long.

"How are you doing?" Gabriel asked softly, noting the wild look in his eyes.

He nodded and pressed against him... And then he was sobbing. Sobbing with relief. Great, gasping heaves of breath... And eventually that passed, as all things did, and he slept restlessly.

Gabriel held him as he calmed into slumber, curled protectively around him. He was loathe to loosen his grip on him, so he waited until James rolled away on his own to go build the fire. He came back to bed quickly and pulled James back in his arms to warm himself from being away from the covers in the cold.

The moment that Gabriel was away from him, he was restless in the bed, but he was soothed the moment that the man returned to him. He breathed deep and seemed younger, fresher in that sleep.

Gabriel opened his eyes to a bright patch of sunlight at the foot of the bed, the storm clouds finally broken. James was lax in his arms, a small smile on his face.

James slept, almost calmly. It seemed like at some point he has not, there was a fine sheen of sweat on his skin, and his face was pale. But he was calm… he was, for once in his long life, still.

He sighed and stretched, and settled back around his lover. He enjoyed watching James, and seeing him peaceful for the first time in months was a luxury he wasn't about to disturb.

Eventually though, Bond had to wake. It was slow, restless and held a lot of grumbles but he eventually opened his eyes.

"Hello, love," Gabriel pressed a kiss to his sleepy lips. "You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you."

"I came... First time from something other than pain..."

"I know, and you were amazing," he tugged James closer. "You felt so good."

"You're worth it..." He said ever so softly.

"So are you," Gabriel whispered. "We deserve every good thing that comes our way, we have certainly paid for them in advance."

"Agreed..." He dragged Gabriel down and ground his hips roughly.

"I won't argue with this as a good morning," Gabriel laughed with delight and pushed back against him.

James rolled him back onto the bed and kissed him slowly. "It's yours truly every morning..."

"I like that, you can be my personal alarm clock," he smiled. He started humming "Secret Agent Man" and winked at James's horrified expression.

"What? Oh, no orgasms for you!" James rolled away.

Gabriel stuck out his bottom lip into a pretty pout and batted his eyelashes. "But babyyyy.... I want you to fuck me."

"Well..." He said, laying on his back. " You could always ride me..."

"Really?" Bright green eyes widened. Gabriel handed him the lube that was still sitting on the nightstand and rolled over, sliding his ass against James's erection.

"I wouldn't have said i-" he cut off at the motion, a hiss leaving him.

"What?" Gabriel teased. "Do you want to lay back and let me do the work?"

"Yes..." He whispered, arching.

Gabriel flipped him gently, rubbing against him seductively. His erection was already leaking pre-come against James's belly, and he slicked James's cock. He lined himself up and slid down slowly, still loose enough from their last session of lovemaking to take him without it hurting.

James swore, eyes closing as he let himself just feel. His eyes opened again to watch him, watch every movement.

Gabriel slid his hips in figure eights, moving like he was dancing. He took James's hands and placed them on his torso, and then leaned down to kiss him.

James hands roamed over his flesh as he kissed him, his hands moving, touching, needing as Gabriel moved.

Gabriel cried out against his mouth, James's cock finding just the right angle to make him shudder. He arched against him, his cock rubbing between them.

"You feel so good..." James whispered, rolling his hips to rub against that sweet spot over and over again.

Gabriel shivered. "Tell me you're close, please? I can't..."

Bond ignored the question, working on his lover's pleasure... And dragging it out, slowing down. He wanted to come with him, and so shifted Gabriel, pulling him down to kiss her neck.

Gabriel was begging, maybe... He wasn't sure if what was coming out sounded like words any more. James's mouth on the sensitive spot on his neck made him keen, wanting James inside his skin if he could.

James lost control, and an animal sound left him, followed by a string of curses as he came and came hard, losing himself.

Gabriel thought the fire might break him in two. He knew he was close, but he was focused on his lover and the orgasm left him clinging to James.

James reached for him, fingers wrapping around his cock and he started to pump slowly. "My Gabriel... My very own Quartermaster..."


	14. Chapter 14

"My love," Gabriel says. "My protector." James has never been just his designation, not since he stood in Mallory's office and spoke for him. James has shed blood and lost flesh, and Gabriel wishes there were something more significant than himself he could give in return for that sacrifice. He kissed James desperately and came, a sob escaping his lips.

The sob caught him by surprise, and he frowned, taking Gabriel's face in his hands. "What is it?"

"I don't deserve you," Gabriel hid his face under Bond's chin. "All I can give you is me."

"I don't want anything else..." Bond replied, still confused.

"You saved me, you should get something more than a person with so many scars in return. I'm sorry. I'm getting emotional."

"If you didn't have those scars... Then you wouldn't be able to understand mine..." James said in what he hoped was a soothing voice. "It's okay..."

Gabriel smiled at him shakily and curled up in his arms. "You always know how to make me feel better."

"Are you sure?" He asked worried. "It's not like you to get... Like that .."

"It was hard to watch you being hurt, for me, and knowing there was nothing I could do," Gabriel kept his hand over James's heartbeat and turned to meet his eyes. "I just... I had to stay calm, and be strong. It all hit me at once."

James looked awkward for a moment, almost guilty. "Gabriel... I've been hurt many many times... With you... It held meaning... I would do it again in a heartbeat..."

"And I would never ask it of you," Gabriel said. "It means everything that you would. But I hope to god you never have to."

He reached out and ran his knuckle over Gabriel's cheek. "You are a sweet sweet man... Let's go and have fun."

"Sounds good, I'm ready for some warmth," Gabriel smiled. "Although this has been wonderful."

"You don't fancy skiing?" James asked thoughtfully.

"Never tried," Gabriel admitted. "I did enjoy the rock climbing though. Will you teach me?"

"You're less likely to die from skiing... Although accidents do happen..." He mused and kissed his shoulder. "Of course I will teach you... I'm not likely to be able to go on missions for a long time... If at all... I need to get my adrenaline somehow..."

"Alright, just don't let my good bits freeze," Gabriel teased. "Let's go make tea and then you can show me."

"I will be sure to give them a through inspection later," he shot back as he got out the bed.

Gabriel grinned and scrambled after him, wrapped in a blanket until the tea defrosted him. 

Bond came back with the the promised liquid gold and a mischievous glint in his eyes. An idea... He stole the laptop and winked as he went into the other room.

Gabriel wrapped himself in the duvet and followed. "What are you plotting? You look like Alec around explosives."

"I am plotting a surprise so bugger off," James said tartly but playfully, turning away so Gabriel could not see the screen.

Gabriel laughed and settled at his feet, back to the screen. He curled up and sipped his tea, head against James's leg.

James free hand wandered and carded through his hair, gentle strokes, loving touches. "I do love you, Gabriel..." He said softly.

Gabriel's green eyes flashed at him lovingly. "I know," he said simply. "And I adore you, with everything I am."

Eventually James closed the laptop down with a resounding thump. "Come on then, babe... Let's go and have fun. Dress warm... Lots of layers…”

Gabriel nodded and bundled up, stealing a few kisses between dressing. He followed James, looking like he had been replaced by a snowman.

James smirked as he eyed the younger male, donning his parka jacket. " You look ridiculous..." He mused.

"I know," Gabriel sighed. "I'm sure you will make sure there are pictures for embarrassing me later. How do we do this anyway?" he asked, walking out the door and promptly tipping face first into the snow.

James stopped and burst into laughter, and ended up clutching at the doorframe to stop himself joining him in the snow.

Gabriel dusted himself off and gave him a sweet smile, before pelting him with a handful of snow.

"Oi!" He protested, and dove out the door, snatching a handful as he went.

Gabriel giggled and took off running, or as fast as he could go with all the layers. He ended up tripping on a pile of snow and landing on his back.

James dived in beside him, and started shovelling handfuls of snow into his face before he lept up and took off at a sprint, sliding down a slight hillock. He glanced back at Gabriel. “Catch me if you can!” he called, bouncing in the snow.

Gabriel shrieked and ran after him, elated to see James happy. He ended up sliding down on his arse, and running into James.

They tumbled together down the hill and landed in a snow drift at the bottom with a dull thud, and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.

Gabriel smiled at the antics and pounced on him. "I'm glad to see you happy," he said softly. "It's been too long."

"I missed being happy," James looked up at him with warmth and love in his gaze. "I love you, Gabriel..."

"I love you," he bent to kiss him and bumped their noses together. "We've never just gotten to BE."

"If you don't get off me, we are going to be cold... I will be... You will be engaged to frosty the snowman..."

Gabriel laughed and tried to stand. It took him a few tries, but he pulled James to his feet as well. "So, what's this big mystery you are planning?"

" You will find out when we get to the heat... Tomorrow..."

"I love surprises, but I hate waiting," Gabriel pouted. "So we strap wood to our feet and fall down the mountain? That's about how skiing sounds to my coordination."

" You can climb, can't you?" James said as they walked to the ski slopes. " We will stick to the beginner’s slopes..."

"I can climb, but you promised to catch me," Gabriel reminded. "Ok Master Spy, show me," he tickled James.

"For that, I am absolutely not telling you what I am plotting... I'm not even sure it's a good idea... But I'm not telling you now at all!"

He giggled and burst into unrepentant laughter after seeing the look on James's face. Gabriel took his hand and followed. They climbed to the top of one of the ski slopes, meeting more people as they went. To a shop to hire equipment then they went into one of the lifts that would take them to a beginner’s slope.

Gabriel clutched at James's arm and refused to look down. "We aren't going to fall, right?"

“Only if you jump at the wrong moment…,” He swung his legs a little, making the chair rocks.

Gabriel shrieked and closed his eyes. "Don't do that!" He punched his arm. "I don't want to die of a heart attack."

James chuckled. "But it's so easy..."

"Yes, I'm aware how hard it is to bring you back from missions in one piece," he retorted. "I'd like to live to marry you."

"You will," James jumped off lightly.

Gabriel took his hand and stepped down, hesitant. He strapped on his skis and look at James for a moment, his face scrunched up in concentration.

James lead him to one of the easiest slopes, and talked him through the basics. “Ready?” he asked as a seven year old went past them at speed.

Gabriel sighed. "Really, I'm not a child." He moved his arms, and landed on his arse.

He chuckled softly and extended his hand and pulled him up. “Gabriel… are you okay?” he asked, smirking. 

"I'm just fine," Gabriel sighed. "You may not be if you keep laughing at me."

“But yours so cute,” teased Bond, as he took his hand and kissed her. “Shall I go first?” he said thoughtfully.

"Yes please, shoo!" Gabriel gestured with his poles. He managed to follow James without too much trouble, until the first turn.

James pulled up short when he realised that he was not behind him and arched an eyebrow. “Are you alright, babe?” James called.

Gabriel waved an arm, untangling himself from a small pine tree. He spit out a mouth full of snow and smiled gamely.

“You okay?” he asked, and nodded to come join him. “We will do it together… side by side… come on…” he whispered.

Gabriel managed to make it over to him, and mimic his movements.

"Thats better..." Bond crooned. "Much better..." James eased into the movements beside him.

Gabriel managed to keep his feet under him the whole way down the hill. His turns were not nearly as neat as the ones James made, but he didn't run into any more trees.

"You're doing really well,' James praised as they moved together, down the hill. He had a look of pride on his ruggedly handsome face.

"So, now we try the intermediate one?" Gabriel asked with a grin.

"You sure?" He asked. "You looked like you're enjoying yourself... And snow is a soft landing..."

"Can't do this at home, might as well try them all," Gabriel grinned.

James inclined his head and nodded once. “That can be arranged… come on then, race you to the bottom,” he said and dived forwards, breaking all the rules on the beginner’s slopes.

Gabriel laughed and followed. He moved at a much slower pace, but managed to avoid all the trees and turn on the curves correctly.

“Well done!” James crowed as they moved together, him taking the slope in his stride.

"Actually fun when I don't meet the trees head first," Gabriel headed for the lifts again.

"I am glad you think so," mused James as they went to the lists together, heading up again.

Gabriel decided to be daring, and went for the intermediate slope. No doubt a mistake, because a sharp turn left him face down, laughing.

Bond came to a stop beside him, breaking the rules. " You alright?" He asked as he extended a hand.

"Yes," Gabriel was still giggling. He rolled over onto his back and made an unsuccessful attempt to stand.

"Here," James crouched and with a bit of hauling, got him into his feet.

Gabriel managed to make it the rest of the way down the hill, and stopped to dust off his glasses. "How many more are we trying?"

"How many do you want?" He asked as he eyed the advanced slope. "I wouldn't try that one..."

"Oh come on, we only live once," Gabriel said mischievously. He raced to the start of the advanced slope, completely oblivious to the jump. He managed to land face first, and made a snow angel with his floundering. He gave James a thumbs up and spit out a mouthful of snow.

James came down beside him, jumped effortlessly and landed beside him. " You okay?"

"Yes," Gabriel laughed and fished his glasses out of the snow in front of him. "That was fun. But maybe I won't try the jumps just yet."

They spent the rest of the day skiing and when they trudged back to the cottage, there was a warm glow… and two figures standing on the doorstep. “He looks half frozen,” cried Eve. “How are you going to marry him tonight if he is an icicle?” 

"Marry me tonight? Don't be silly," Gabriel tugged off his soggy jacket, and caught the look on Eve's face. "James?" he asked hesitantly.


	15. Chapter 15

Alec was standing in the doorway, looking smug. “You haven’t told him?” Alec said dryly. “I almost had to kill to get us both out here!”

"Told me?" Gabriel looked down at the band shining on his cold fingers. "I haven't even gotten yours engraved yet, and we were going to tell people at the housewarming party, and..."

“We don’t have to, Q,” James said quickly. “If it's too soon… we can wait… but you sounded like you did not want to… and this place is beautiful…”

"Of course I do," Gabriel said. "I just thought... you said someday. I wasn't trying to rush you."

"What if I want some day to be midnight tonight?"

"OK... Any particular reason why?" Gabriel looked stunned. "Eve, I think I need you to pinch me."

"Because I need you... I need you... I need to be bound to you..."

"Alright. YES." He smacked at Eve as she pinched his arm. "God, yes." He jumped into James's arms and kissed him. 

James kissed hungrily before Alec quite literally dragged James back. "Are you sure? We can do this again, back in London if you like..."

"No! Don't you dare!" Gabriel practically growled at Alec. "Don't make him change his mind now, I'll send you armed with paper clips and razor blades," he threatened.

James looked almost giddy. Eve grabbed Alec and dragged him away, seeing the look James was giving Q. "I'll be back in an hour…”

Gabriel was attacking his mouth, breathing him in like he was going to disappear. He had the better part of James's outer wear off, and was working on his shirt buttons.

They weren't even going to the to make it to the bedroom, James flopped back into the sofa, pulling Gabriel to straddle him. He didn't bother trying to undo the buttons, he tore the shirt open, watching the buttons fly everywhere.

"Mine!" Gabriel marveled, raking his nails down James's chest. He bent to bite at his pulse, sucking a dark bruise onto his skin. "Now take me, please, love?"

James shifted and shoved his trousers down, kicking them off. His mouth found Gabriel's in a long slow dance, as he pulled Gabriel's apart.

"James, baby," he moaned into the kiss, lifting his hips enough for his trousers to be taken off.

James shoved the trousers off, kissing down his neck. "Baby..." He groaned, and he devoured his mouth.

Gabriel melted into the kiss, running his hands over the scarred skin. "Damn lube," he murmured impatiently, twisting against James's hard on.

"Go grab it..." He whispered, desperate and needy.

Gabriel nodded, stealing a last kiss. He shivered as he rummaged for it in the covers, and ran back to James. He was thankful the fire in the living room was warm from Eve and Alec waiting for them to return.  
"Here," he handed it to his lover and bent in for another hungry exchange of kisses.

He dragged him back down and slicked his cock, before reaching between Gabriel's legs.

The slick of James's fingers made Gabriel moan. He pushed back against him, eager to have him inside him.

He slid a lazy finger inside and hissed with delight. " Your stretching for me so beautifully, love..." He hummed. "I cannot wait until I can drag you somewhere hot and Fuck you under the sun... And you'll be married to me... You cannot run off..."

"Oh!" Gabriel buried his face against James's neck and blushed. "I would never run off," he protested. "But you can fuck me as long as you like."

“I plan too… every time I am in London,” the agent replaced his fingers with the head of his cock and pushed up.

"James," Gabriel whimpered against him. "Don't, don't stop. I want you to come with me, please?" He arched back and scratched his nails down James's chest.

James held him tight, kissing him... and then he was moving, standing and pushing Gabriel's back against the wall, lifting his knees so he could thrust deep, and he was chanting his name, over and over again, in that frantic race to orgasm.

Gabriel clung to him, teeth biting at his sweaty skin. He wanted James as close as he could get him, and when James hit his prostate he didn't know whether he was speaking English any longer. His skin broke out in goosebumps and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

James was a machine, and he was merciless… and he knew he was driving Q mad, with this deep penetration. His hand went to the base of his cock… and he pressed a thumb down hard, stealing the ability for him to come until James let go…

"Baby," Gabriel shivered under his touch, a dry orgasm stealing his breath and leaving him clenching around his lover's cock.

“I want us to come together,” James whispered, grinding up into him, almost harshly. “I need to know we are together...” Was this what the rush to marriage was? The reassurance that Gabriel would not leave him? “I can’t lose anything else..”

"I'm not going anywhere," Gabriel stilled and studied his expression. "We are together, you aren't going to lose me. You won't lose me, whether you marry me tonight, or in ten years, love."

"Kiss me..." James blinked back tears. "Please... Kiss me..."

"Of course," Gabriel enveloped his mouth and clung to him, pouring all of the love and care he could into his touch so his lover didn't feel so bereft, so alone. "I'm here, James. I always will be."

The orgasm blind sided him. It was once, twice and James came with a scream. He released Q's cock and fisted furiously, determined to drive him over the edge... He saw white.

Gabriel screamed his name like a prayer as he came, and landed his feet on the floor as James collapsed. He caught him and kissed the sweat off his cheek. They folded into a pile on the floor, and Gabriel kissed him softly until his eyes fluttered open.

James stared at him, and then pressed his face into Gabriel's sweaty neck and sobbed until sleep took him. It wasn't a long nap, but it was enough.

He murmured gently to James, and let his tears wash over him. It hurt to see him hurt, but at the same time, he could feel something inside his lover healing. Gabriel held on to him tight, and watched the tears dry on his cheeks as he slept.

"Jesus, put some clothes on," said Alec said dryly.

"Shut it, Alec," Gabriel murmured protectively, helping James up. His lover was his whole focus at the moment, his whole world.

James looked numb, shell shocked even as he sat up and glared at Alec. "Bugger off... Where are my pants?"

Gabriel helped him dress, his body a shield between Alec and his lover. He dressed himself once James was wrapped in a blanket on the couch, and asked Alec to make tea. 

Alec did so and Eve followed, sensing that Gabriel needed to talk to James.

"Hey sweetheart, talk to me love?" He pulled James into his lap and ran his hands under his shirt, a gentle warm touch to ground him. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm here as long as you are."

With slow blinks, he focused on Gabriel. "Sorry..."

"It's okay, nothing to apologize for," Gabriel soothed. "Tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what's going on in your head?" Gabriel asked. "I want to help."

"I feel like you will find someone better... Someone who doesn't wake up screaming with nightmares...and that was before Bolivar..."

"Oh god James, no!" Gabriel's face fell. "What do I do to make you feel that way? You're the only real partner I've ever had. You are the only person other than Z that I have told 'I love you'."

"Because I'm old... I'm withered and broken. You're still young. You cannot know what it's like to lose everything you thought you were. I will never be the man you fell in love with, Gabriel... I want to get you bound to me so you can find something good in me... I hope you can..."

"What aren't you now that you were when we met, love? Kind? Loving? Protective?" Gabriel wrapped James in his arms and held on to him as tight as he could. "I'm not marrying you because you have a kill record, or are charming, or because you have money. I'm not even marrying you for the sex, as good as it is. I'm marrying you because there's no one else that I would rather spend the rest of my life loving. There's so many good things about you. You're gorgeous, I could watch you and never get tired of it. Seeing you kneel is the most precious thing you could ever give me."

James still looked incredulous. "I love you... I just want to be good enough for you..."

"But that's all you need to do to be good enough for me," Gabriel said gently. "All I ever want from you is your love."

"You have that, babe... You have done for a while..."

"Then you've already given me everything I want," Gabriel kissed his cheek. "I've never doubted you. You sacrificed your safety for mine without hesitating. I know you love me."

Bond nodded. His hands were shaking, as he gripped Gabriel's, fingers squeezing hard. "Still want to get a ring on you..." 

"You have my heart love, anything else, just tell me and it's yours," Gabriel kissed each of his palms. "Now, are you going to marry me in your pants? Or do you want trousers as well?" He giggled.

That made Bond chuckle. "I doubt wedding photos will look good with me in my pants... We can have a larger wedding when we got home. I wanted the first one to be the nearest and dearest. Do you mind?"

"As long as you say 'I do', this wedding is all I need. Eve can take pictures on her phone and I will be more than thrilled. I don't care if you wear a towel, or who is there," Gabriel said earnestly. "All I need is you."

He nodded and seemed to ate himself. He stood up. "Alright. Alec, get your ass out here," the Russian poked his head out. "Time for us to go and get ready..."

"What are you two plotting?" Gabriel asked fondly. "Don't be gone too long, I'll miss you." He kissed James and went to dress.

He will be seeing you at the altar," Alec said as he dragged James out, leaving Gabriel with Eve.

"Altar?" Gabriel asked. "Never mind, won't ask. Just please get a picture of the kiss, Eve?" He took out the one nice shirt he brought and handed Eve his tie.

"Most people get married at an Altar... Even the bit where two people stand it called the altar..." Eve said as she sat to watch him.

He fussed with his hair, trying to get to to not stand on end after all day in a fuzzy hat. He hadn't shaved that morning, and he looked like he needed a good meal. But his eyes were sparkling and he pulled Eve into a hug. "Oh my god, I can't believe this. It's not real. I'm going to wake up."

You won't," she said fiercely. "I know where you're getting married. It's pretty damn good..."

"What if he's disappointed, Eve? What if I am not what he wants?" Gabriel said softly. "What if he realizes I am just me?"

"I think that's what he loves about you, sweet boy," Eve attacked his hair with a comb. "You are just you... Nothing else..."

Gabriel allowed her the pointless task of taming his hair, although she did a better job than he usually did.

“You will need some of your winter clothes… we need to travel a little for it… I know what James is plotting,” she said brightly, as she gave up with the hair.

"Ok," Gabriel gave up trying to guess. He bundled himself in the warm jacket and boots that he had used for skiing."

"Nervous?" She asked as she dressed up.

"Yes, but more excited than anything else," Gabriel paced. "How much longer?"

Eve glanced at her phone when it vibrated and nodded. "Now. Are you ready?"

"Yes!" He was so excited he could barely stand it. "Do you know what he's wearing?"

"No idea... Come on..." They got out the hut and then into one of the jet ski's... And eve began to drive, taking them into the darkness.

Gabriel hung on, until Eve stopped. The night was clear, and the snow sparkled under the stars.

Ahead, there was a glow, something small. As they got closer, it grew into a bonfire, with three figures around it... But that was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the sky. There seemed to be a hum, a high pitched note in the air, and then colour exploded across it. Greens, Dusty pinks, rose. Curtains of light swooped and shivered in the sky, as if bowing down to Q.

He craned his neck back, and spun around, trying to take in all the colors. The Northern Lights were spectacular, nothing like pictures, which did them no justice. But he wanted James, wanted to see them with his love. He hurried over to the fire.

James was standing there, talking to Alec and a third man, who was holding a book. He was dressed very smartly, and seemed to be the master of ceremonies


	16. Chapter 16

Ahead, there was a glow, something small. As they got closer, it grew into a bonfire, with three figures around it... But that was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the sky. There seemed to be a hum, a high pitched note in the air, and then colour exploded across it. Greens, Dusty pinks, rose. Curtains of light swooped and shivered in the sky, as if bowing down to Q.

He craned his neck back, and spun around, trying to take in all the colors. The Northern Lights were spectacular, nothing like pictures, which did them no justice. But he wanted James, wanted to see them with his love. He hurried over to the fire.

James was standing there, talking to Alec and a third man, who was holding a book. He was dressed very smartly, and seemed to be the master of ceremonies.

Gabriel got shy, as it all hit him. He shifted nervously from one foot to another. He wanted to drag James to see the lights, and exclaim over the view. But he hung back quietly, loathe to mess up whatever his lover had planned.

James came to him instead and pulled him into his arms. Behind the little arch that was set up, a lake was black, save for the shimmering reflection of the Northern Lights. "Is this okay?" He whispered.

"It's beautiful," he whispered back. "Like a fairy tale. It's like the top of the world."

"I wanted something that is rare... Rare and perfect," he looked at Gabriel. "Just like you..."

Gabriel blushed. "I'm really not. I'm quite ordinary, and broken."

“Q… Gabe… you’re perfect to me,” Bond whispered, knowing it to be true. He kissed the back of his hand. “Last chance to escape…”

"I wouldn't ever want to," he hid against James's shoulder. "I don't want to be anywhere except with you. You're home."

“Shall we get married then?” he asked. Alec and Eve were standing at a dignified distance and the man was there, dressed in snow clothes, by the bonfire as the Aurora sung overhead. 

"Yes!" Gabriel grinned.

James offered him his hand slowly, and Gabriel took it, and his whole world focused in on the hand holding his. In that moment, it was them, the man whose shining eyes were watching him. "I love you," he mouthed. He cradled James's hand against his cheek, the scar from the tip of the missing pinky touching his lips.

And so the man began the ritual. James was listening and when it came for the vows, he began to speak. "Gabriel...You are my lover and my teacher, You are my model and my accomplice And you are my true counterpart.  
I will love you, hold you and honor you,  
I will respect you, encourage you and cherish you, In health and sickness, Through sorrow and success, For all the days of my life."

"James, you're everything I was looking for, things I didn't know I needed. You're the safest place I've ever known. I adore you, I cherish you. I can't imagine my life without you. I love you, more every day. May today be the day of our marriage I love you the least. No matter our finances, or our health, I will love you until my last breath. And when I open my eyes, after death, I will be with you again forever."

And with that, the official wrapped up the wedding with the exchanging of rings, which Alec and Eve had, both fitted perfectly, and the I do's. Then "I now pronounce you married."

Gabriel grinned, delighted. He threw his arms around James's neck and kissed him solidly. When the minister announced that he wanted to present "Mr. James and Mr. Gabriel Bond", he yelled and jumped into James's arms, and wrapped his legs around his waist.

James kissed him back, as the Aurora shivered over head, overseeing their nuptials.

"I love you, Gabriel... I really do..." He whispered and cupped his jaw for a sweet kiss.

"I know," Gabriel's smile was brighter than the Northern Lights. "And I love you." He nuzzled into James, and flipped off Alec behind his back for the cat calling.

James hummed and was already walking away with his young lover in his arms, carrying him off and back to the snowmobile. “I need to get you naked,” He whispered.

"Yes, please," Gabriel begged. "I was worried we wouldn't want more sex but if I don't have you inside me I'm going to die." He leaned back into James's arms on the snowmobile and arched against him.

“And you're not dramatic about it at all,” he said as he straddled the jet behind him, his arms around him. He kicked the engine into gear.

"I'm allowed," Gabriel protested. "Tell me you don't want to be inside me as much as I want you."

“Do you want me?” James mused. He was teasing now. “What exactly do you want, Mr Bond… You know this name as associated with a lot that is not good?”

"It only has good associations for me," Gabriel informed. "You're my protector. And I want my husband inside me, making love to me." He shivered against James's lips on his neck.

“Then in that case, I can say that he would love to do that,” he said softly.

"Good," Gabriel was off the snowmobile before James had it turned off. He stood in the doorway, suddenly shy.

James looked up at him, and smiled slowly. "Fuck, you’re gorgeous."

"No," Gabriel blushed. He wrapped his arms around James.

"You’re married to me now, idiot," James grinned. "You have to take what I say as fact."

"I do not!" Gabriel protested. "Everyone knows I'm the brains of the-" he got cut off by James's kiss. "Mmmm, take me to bed?"

"Yes,Sir," he said as he knocked the door closed, backing into the bedroom.

"I adore you, James Bond," Gabriel wouldn't let go of him, devouring him.

James was kissing back, pulling his shirt off as we went.

Gabriel stripped off his own clothes, a few buttons going flying with a ping. "Need you...need you now... inside me," he begged, between kisses.

"On our wedding night, I'm not hurrying," he whispered. He kissed him slowly, backing him into the bed.

"Ok, just... please," he was pleading. "Feels different."

"In what way?" He nipped at his shoulders and neck.

"You feel... Closer... Oh!" He squirmed helplessly. He ran his hands down James's back, his nails raking across his skin.

"You're married to me now," James whispered. "You’re mine for the rest of your days," he slowly undid his shirt.

"Very, very happily so," Gabriel murmured. He pulled James down for another kiss.

James kissed him slowly until he was shaking from holding himself up. "You do realise that I'm going to need time to recover between rounds?"

"I don't care," Gabriel breathed. "I just need you close."

James stripped him off slowly, shedding one layer of clothes at a time, until they were under the covers, naked and kissing.

Gabriel let himself relax completely, and luxuriated in the pleasure of James being so close. If was rare that he had his lover- no, husband... So unguarded. 

James treated him like he was precious, and loved. Gabriel laid his head on his chest to listen to his heart beat., their fingers entwined.

"I want you inside me," James whispered between heated kisses. "Make love to me..." Emotions shivered through his words. "Please?"

"Yes," Gabriel nodded. He sat up a little and trailed a line of wet kisses down James's neck. "Can you roll over for me?"

He rolled over to his side and looked over at Gabriel, his gaze soft... Warm. Wanting.

Gabriel covered him with his body, rubbing his face against James's back. He loved the smell of his husband, the warm turned on smell of them together. He knotted their fingers together and stretched their hands over James's head, pinning him beneath him to rut against him.

James turned his head to watch and there was a fire in that gaze. He twisted and mouthed at what he could reach of his husband, and moaned, watching him.

"You're mine," Gabriel kissed him fiercely. He warmed some lube in his right hand, and kept their left hands locked together, the bands touching. "You'll never be able to get rid of me now, James. I'm not giving up now that I've got you."

“You never gave up on me… even when I wasn’t your husband…” he nuzzled at his neck lightly. “I have been yours for a very long time…” 

"I know, but now you can't get rid of me by telling me to leave," Gabriel smiled. "I'm very proud that you are mine, love. Nothing could make me happier." He ran his slick fingers over James's hole and bit at his neck.

James hissed and his hips rolled. Pinned, he pushed back. He was horny and desperate. "Don't make me beg..."

"Just for tonight, I won't," Gabriel slid into him with a sigh. The brush of his nipples against James's back, the feeling of safety in being inside his lover was extraordinary. "God, you're amazing," he whispered.

He arched, and moaned, pressing back into him. He quivered and pressed back. His eyes were closed. “I love you… please… I love you…”

Gabriel took James's cock in his hand and arched into him, searching for his prostate. "I love you, sweetheart, now come for me." He shivered and mouthed desperately at James's neck, "please?"

“Fuck…” he breathed. “Nearly… I am close…” he panted and closed his eyes. “Please…”

"Are you going to come for me, Mr. Bond?" Q teased him gently, speeding up his movements. "I keep hearing these exquisite things about you over the comms, but you're much better in person." He had found that since Bolivar, James put an incredible amount of pressure on himself to perform. A bit of levity and teasing to get him to stop thinking too hard did wonders.

Bond arched against him, and let out a shout. A curse, and he was coming hot and heavy in Q’s hands.

Q came with him, a furious snap of his hips and a groan. He mouthed at James's cheek, too tired to move. "I think the sex is better married," he mused with a sleepy yawn.

James turned and lifted his arm for Gabriel. “Come and cuddle?” he whispered, smiling warmly.

"Of course," Gabriel curled up against him. "I love you, husband. Sweet dreams." He took James's face in both his hands and kissed him sweetly, pressing a kiss onto each eye lid.

James yawned and was asleep within seconds.

Gabriel watched him until his eyes closed, a smile on his face. And if he pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, well James wasn't awake to see it.


End file.
